Naturally Sweet

Destiny & Diabetes

2012-01-23T12:32:00.000-08:00

Life works in mysterious ways and everything happens for a reason. Do I believe this? Umm...sometimes. It's interesting when I actually see destiny's path unfold before my eyes. This doesn't happen often, but it happened recently.

My fam & I moved into this great house in the woods back in October. We aren't very social so introducing ourselves to our neighbors never really crossed our minds. We could hear a man talking outside once in a while but that was it. One day, Abe was walking the dog and he saw the man. They introduced themselves. Both claimed to be anti-social. They talked for a bit, had a few laughs and went on their merry way.

I work in Accounting so I visit the same bank every day, sometimes several times a day. Because of this, the employees there know me. If not by name, then definitely by face. I play friends with a couple of tellers and one in particular just makes me smile. One morning, the teller needed to have a copy of my drivers license. She says 'You live on Blah Blah Road?' I said 'yes' and she says her parents are my nieghbors. I tell her the story about Abe and her dad, we laugh and she says she is going to giver her parents a hard time.

Well, Christmas rolls around and I find a gift bag on my porch. It's a bottle of red, a Yankee Candle and a note from our neighbors. The wife wrote that they were social and would love to get together sometime for wine. I'm thinking 'Ok, great. That's really nice.' and I lose the thought.

This weekend I'm out shoveling snow. It's the weekend. I just got out of bed so I was in my pj's. My greasy hair is a mess and I have mascara under my eyes. I swear, I looked like the Grudge. This car pulls up along side of me, the window rolls down and it's the wife. She introduced herself and we started chatting. She was so nice and I was so embarrased. She then tells me that she wants us to come over for dinner and wine one night. That she doesn't know when because she watches her grandson during the week and works on the weekend. She contined to say that her grandson was 14 months old and has Type 1 Diabetes. My mouth dropped and I said 'I have Type 1 Diabetes.' The woman gasped, I could see tears well up in her eyes and she said 'I would love for you to teach me everything you know and help me understand so I can be a better grandmother for him.' I told her I would come over and answer all of her questions anytime.

That's when I realize that this could be a reason. A reason why we chose this house even though we knew we'd be screwed if it snowed. A reason why I was drawn to this woman at the bank. A reason why Abe just happened to run into our neighbor one random day. A reason why I just decided to shovel the snow at that particular moment.

The reason being a 14 month old little boy.

Today I walked into the bank and the woman came right up to me, pulled me out of line and started talking to me. Her mother told her she met me, said I was the nicest thing ever..haha...and told her I was a T1. Words spilled from her mouth about her son. They just found out. He is only 14 months. She is scared and worried and mad and everything anyone with Diabetes or anyone who has a loved one with Diabetes feels. We started talking briefly about living with this disease and I felt her loosen up just a bit. As if she was drowning and I threw her a life saver.

In 5 minutes, I actually made someone feel a little better and feel a little supported. What is more wonderful than that?

She said we were having dinner at her mom's soon and I, honestly, can't wait.

I wish I would have had someone like me around when I was 17. I don't have a cure. I don't have a reason. I don't have a miracle. But, I do have experience, knowledge and understanding of Type 1 Diabetes. I have gone through the self destruction phase and made it to the seasoned veteran phase.

Sometimes destiny does know what she is doing and, for this little move, I thank her.

*Peace.

Riding Bareback.

2012-01-13T11:40:00.001-08:00

I'm riding bareback. Yep. I am.

Here's my sad little story. I ran out of insulin with my last pump change. I didn't have the money to get it refilled and figured I had 3 days with Romney Pawed. So, I put the pod on and went blissfully about my life.

I went to work, called in my refills and arranged to pick them up on Friday. Payday. Makes sense. This was Wednesday. I would have to change pods on Friday so the timing was perfect.

Until....cue in dramatic music....

dum
dum
duuuuuuuummmmmmmmmm!

I hear the dreaded call of Romney for no apparent reason. I wasn't eating. I wasn't bolusing. I wasn't even thinking about him. Hello, black cloud.

Occlusion.

Freaking great. SO, of course, I had to remove the pod. Since I was sans insulin, I had to revert back to shots. I threw my pod saddle off and rode bareback.

Sad thing is is that the FlexPens I had in my medicine bag wouldn't work. They've been idly sitting and wasting away for so long that they wouldn't work. For whatever reason, the needles wouldn't allow any insulin to pass through. That's what I get for ignoring them. Anyway, I called my sweet boyf and talked him through my supplies.

'Baby. Go to the fridge, open the butter compartment, grab the pen that's blue and orange.'
'Kel, I'm color blind. You know this.'
'Yea, but you can see primary colors. Grab the darker of the two.'
'Blue and orange? Got it.'
'Ok. Go to the top drawer of the medicine cabinet and find the twist on needles. They are white and purple.'
'BABE! Stop telling me colors!'
'OK! I don't know how else to describe them! They are needles. Not the kind to prick my finger with, the other kind.'
'Are they 5 in a pack?'
'I think. I don't know. Needles.'
'They screw on?'
'Yes.'
'Ok. Got it. I'm on my way.'

By the time he got to my job, my bs was 374. I quickly shot up and was on my way. I thanked my boyf for being fantastic and helping me to live.

That night, he came home late from work and I was already in bed. I don't remember a word he said to me. He told me in the morning that I was crying, I was telling him he was bothering me, I was talking crazy. Poor guy hasn't seen me drastically drop and has no idea his role as a 'Type 3 Diabetic'. My daughter and I definitely are training him. Slowly but surely, he will learn. He's willing so that's a start. Hopefully he won't have to ever see the worst of D. Hopefully.

Today is Day 2 of my bareback riding and I have to tell you. I hate it. I like my pod saddle. I feel like crap. My sugar is hard to control. I don't want to eat because I don't want to inject. It's a mess. I'm so glad we are going to the pharmacy after work, getting my insulin and then I'm strapping the pod back on right in the car. No lie.

Then I'm buying the fam pizza.

So take that Diabetes. You little bitch.

*Peace.

SAD

2012-01-10T11:47:00.000-08:00

I went to the Doctor last month to talk about my state of mind. Seriously. Not even a Psychiatrist because that's just crazy. No. I talked to my regular, run of the mill, Doctor to find out what in the name of all that is holy was wrong with me.

Abe came with me.

After the initial 'checkup', you know...weight...(which is ALWAYS 5 pounds heavier)..blood pressure...A1C....meds review....yes, you're still a Diabetic, have a nice day....he asked if I had any questions. I did.

As soon as I started speaking, I started tearing up. I said that I was broken. That I didn't know if I was post-menopausal, depressed or insane. He started asking questions.

'Do you cry at the drop of a hat?'
Obviously.

'Do you get really angry over the slightest thing?'
Yes. Ask Abe and Amanda.

'Do you sleep a lot?'
I'm always tired. I could fall asleep right now.

'How long have you been feeling this way?'
A few months.

'Has your family and friends noticed a change?'
Yes.

'Are you suicidal?'
No. I'm too arrogant to kill myself.

Funny thing is that Abe moved here in July. I had fallen down the stairs the night before and sprained my wrist..which I just had my Dr. look at prior to this conversation. The look he gave Abe after all of this was priceless. Abe and I both knew what he was thinking and if I didn't know us, I would totally understand. He was just doing his job to ensure that I wasn't being abused. Poor Dr. If he knew us at all, he would be more afraid for Abe than me. haha!

The crazy thing is is that I have nothing to be depressed about. Nothing at all. In fact, I have been happier in this last year than I have in the last 3 years so...I don't get it???

My Dr. finally said that he thought I was chemically unbalanced. That my serotonin levels were not living up to their job and, as a result, I was feeling blue. We also deduced that the past 1.5 years of drastic change and loss was finally hitting me now that I was feeling as if I was in a safe place in my life. Made sense. He suggested meds and I said I didn't want to lose myself. That I liked me and wouldn't like wandering around like a drooling zombie. He promised I wouldn't wander or drool or zomb out. He prescribed a low dose SRI and away I went. I made an appointment to return in a month to see how I felt.

That month deadline is quickly approaching and, I have to say, I don't feel drastically different. Granted I haven't shed a tear but that's the only change I've seen. Abe said he can tell the difference. I wonder how.

My little genius daughter decided that she would do some research when we were talking about my state of mind one night. She said that I am suffering from SAD. Seasonal Affective Disorder. This makes more sense to me. This typically happens when the seasons change, more specifically, winter. It occurs more in women than men. AND considering that I'm a Type 1 Diabetic who can rightfully list depression as a side effect doesn't help matters.

This makes perfect sense to me because I went from having sunshine and being warm 360 days a year to having sunshine and warmth about 60 days a year. That's stinky. Also, Amanda said I was the same way last winter.

I better start religiously taking some Vitamin D....and winter vacations to Bali...or Oahu.

So, the good news is I will be happy in 8-9 weeks. Spring starts in 9 weeks. I'll tell my Dr. that I don't know if the pills are working and see what he says. He did say I would only have to take them until Spring. He must also know that happiness will return at that time. I'm going to ask him on my follow up visit about SAD, too. See what he thinks.

In the meantime, I'll keep pill popping....and wishing for a winning lotto ticket so I can go someplace warm and sunny...STAT.

For more information on Seasonal Affective Disorder, please click here. -> SAD

*Peace.

Dr. Doesn't Feelgood.

2011-12-13T07:09:00.000-08:00

I really have to get this off of my chest. It's something that has been annoying the piss out of me since....about...3 months after I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes.

I freaking loathe doctors.

Hate them.

I have seen more doctors than any person should ever have to see. Every 3 months I'm sitting in some waiting room....waiting....waiting....waiting...just to be told that I have Type 1 Diabetes. Still.

Oh, there's other stuff I'm told....all of it bad.

So that sucks.

It just drives me insane. I feel like a good majority of my life....like ALL OF IT...has been taken over by this disease. The latest crap on my cracker was getting up early, missing my morning cawfee, driving my miserable, hungry and caffeine withdrawing ass to Quest for the typical 3 month bloodwork. This precedes the typical 3 month Dr. visit to make sure I'm a good little Diabetic that's not dead and not cured.

Joyous.

I wonder why I'm not a happier person.

I have always said that I should marry a Dr. This would make my life a tad bit easier since I could just roll over, say 'Honey, take my blood but I promise I'm still sick.', then get up and start my day like I usually do. Listening to my cawfee brew while I'm stabbing my finger and checking my blood sugar.

So, please listen to me all you new, young, Diabetics. Please take my advice and marry a Doctor. Better yet, marry an Endocrinologist. Trust me when I say this will save you A LOT of time, money and severe annoyance.

It's not just the Doctor or Endo, either. It's everyone in the medical field. Dentists, Optometrists, Podiatrists, Educators, Dieticians, Nurses, Phlebotomists, Pharmacists, Nephrologists, Cardiologists, Neurologists...cripes!! After all of these people in white, after all these 'ists', I'm gonna need a team of Psychologists, too!

I'm tired.

Tired of Doctors. Tired of their inane questions because they don't have the disease so they will never really understand it as I do. Sure they know the textbook version but they will never know the living version.

So, this is my vent today.

Hating Doctors.

Maybe on some other day I will appreciate them.

But not today.

Today, I just want to shove a needle in their arm, blow in their eyes, make them blind, poke their gums, stick a pin in their feet....you get the point.

*Peace.

Daily 'D' Disclosures #11-17

2011-11-16T11:10:00.000-08:00

November 12, 2011: Every wish I ever get; birthday, 11:11, dandelions, is for a cure. Not money. Not love. Not stuff. A cure. Just a cure. Diabetes stole my wishes...and my daughter's wishes, too.

I'm not sure if wishes ever come true but I certainly don't want to take my chances. Whenever a wish presents itself, I use the same standard one. It breaks my heart when Amanda tells me that she used her wish for a cure. But....guilt is another disclosure...another day.

November 13, 2011: I don't remember my life before or without Diabetes.

I wish I did. I mean, I was 16 so I remember fragments of my life. I don't remember being able to wake up and live my life sans finger pricks, needles, pee sticks, pumps, carb counting, etc. etc. etc. Too bad I didn't realize then how lucky and fortunate I was in life so that I would have paid more attention and enjoyed the freedom a little more.

November 14, 2011: My head literally wants to explode and every fiber of my being gets pissed off when someone says 'You can't have that.' or 'You're not supposed to be eating that.' I hide these feelings every time someone thinks they are the food police. So, listen, I can eat whatever I want...in moderation. I'm on an insulin pump.

Hey, hello, Food Police....can it! No one knows better what I can have, when I can have it or how much I can shove into my piehole so put a sock in yours. Have a nice day.

November 15, 2011: My Endo once told me that I was so stubborn that I'd be the one to beat this disease. I secretly hope he's right.

I'll never lose hope. It's what keeps me sane.

November 16, 2011: I believe Diabetes has caused me to have major memory loss. I'd know this is a true statement if I could ever remember to Google it.

I don't remember shit. From yesterday or from 20 years ago. So, don't get offended that I don't remember. Don't take it personally as if your existence has or had little or no meaning. It's not you. It's me.

November 17, 2011: I could totally kill someone....or myself....with one shot.

If I were suicidal or if I wanted to completely remove someone from life....one syringe full of insulin could do it. You know it's true and you know you've also had this thought.

November 18, 2011: I hate that no matter what mood I'm in..good, bad, angry, goofy...someone always asks how my sugar is. It's like Diabetes took my right to be a moody human.

Yes, yes, blah, blah, Diabetics are moody. Most people are. It's called being human. However, maybe I'm just in a bad mood. Maybe you've gone and pissed me off. Maybe I just think something is funny. Maybe I'm just feeling silly. For the sake of the feeling. Not because I'm a Diabetic. You're moody and you're not a Diabetic. Psh.

*Peace.

Daily 'D' Disclosures #4-10

2011-11-11T10:31:00.001-08:00

Yea, yea. I've been super busy and running behind so my daily disclosures have become weekly ones. So, sorry. Shoot me. I have a life. ;p

November 5, 2011: While your immune system protects your body, my immune system is attacking my body. So, stay away from me if you have a cold. I will catch it faster, it will last longer and it will become more serious.

My immune system is a big pain in the ass. For whatever genetic reason, my immune system has decided to attack and destroy the 'good' in my body, as well as the 'bad' floating around. My body constantly works double time destroying my pancreas, my thyroid, my kidneys, my eyesight, and so on, and so forth. So, it really doesn't have time to waste on bacteria and viruses. Ya know? So, don't breathe around me if you are sick. Thanks.

November 6, 2011: My fingerprints constantly change. Dots, dots, everywhere due to daily testing. Metro told me I would have to be careful if I ever committed a crime because I'd be easy to trace.

My fingerprints are filled with dots from testing my blood sugar. When you live in Las Vegas and work for a casino, you must obtain a Sheriff's card. Simply to ensure that you aren't a criminal who will try to steal all of their jackpots or buffet items. Getting a Sheriff's card requires one to be fingerprinted. The officer laughed, showed me my print and asked 'Are you a Diabetic?' I said 'Yes. How did you know?' He then showed my dot infested print and told me to not break the law. As if I that was my master plan.

November 7, 2011: One of the things Diabetes is attacking is my teeth. This means my teeth are literally falling out. Breaks my heart but I guess it's better than loosing my foot, my eyesight or my kidneys.

People with Diabetes are more likely to have peridontal disease than people without. That sucks. Especially since I have it. My entire life I have been told that the greatest thing about me is my smile. To lose that destroys me. I'm too arrogant to go smacking my gums all over the place! I want implants. I'm too young to have dentures. But, since my health insurance thinks implants are cosmetic, they won't even entertain covering the expense. Not even with my Endo's supporting documentation. Bass turds.

November 8, 2011: I had a boyf break up with me because of my Diabetes. Broke my heart and caused an insecurity about my disease and my relationships.

My daughter was 5 when she called him in the middle of the night. My sugar dropped and I was basically like a paraplegic. I couldn't move my legs and my brain had shut down. He came over, assisted, spent the night on the couch and that was the end of our relationship. It definitely hurt and released some major insecurities about my disease...but it was a good thing. Now I am with a man who is on my team. He's willing to do anything, deal with anything and give anything to make sure I am healthy. I constantly hear him saying that he wishes it were him instead of me and I believe him. I am strong enough for this disease....and so is he. <3 November 9, 2011: Diabetes messes with my personality. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde type changes.

I know I am a woman and my personality changes like the breeze but Diabetes really adds some crap. I have mood swings like nobody's business. When my sugar is high. When my sugar is low. It doesn't matter. Becoming mean is part of the process. My friend, Don, who was the first person I have ever known to have Diabetes made up the 'Dr. Jeckyll/Mr. Hyde' thing. He couldn't have been more correct.

November 10, 2011: Yes. Diabetes hurts.

Testing my finger hurts. Every time. When I want to eat, drink, work out, sleep, when I don't feel right, when I'm curious, every time. It hurts. Taking injections hurt. Every time. Putting a pod on every 3 days hurts. Taking the pod off hurts. Waking the pod in the door way hurts. The adhesive itches, rubs my skin raw and hurts. My teeth hurt. Every day. My body hurts. Every day. My mind, my soul, my wishes, my hopes hurt. I hurt others. I hurt myself. I hurt my future generations. Yes. Diabetes hurts.

November 11, 2011: 26 years later, every now and again, I still ask 'Why me?' and still think it's not fair.

There is not a Diabetic alive that hasn't uttered these words or have thought these thoughts. When I was 16, I was so pissed off, angry...hurt, that I would scream these words at the top of my lungs. I would cry myself to sleep at night whispering these words. Why me? I've had assholes say 'karma' but at 16, I hadn't done anything or anyone wrong. I was and still am a good person. I've also had others say because I am strong and can handle this. This is right. I am one of those that can. There are many who would never be strong enough. It isn't fair. It's not fair that I have to suffer while others abuse their healthy bodies with drugs, cigarettes, alcohol. It's not fair that I didn't do this to my body. I didn't create this and certainly didn't invite this in. Nope. I didn't.

But...I will survive...and keep smiling.

*Peace.

Daily 'D' Disclosure #3

2011-11-04T07:19:00.001-07:00

November 4, 2011: I like when I get free food or drinks because my sugar is low. I also like when I get seated faster because my sugar is low.

There's always a positive.

For example, when I'm standing in line at a restaurant, waiting to be seated, and I feel the feeling. Diabetics know the feeling I'm talking about. Non-Diabetics probably don't It's where your entire body sends out a warning, you internally shake, you immediately get scared, stressed, worried, and you know that if you don't get something into your system ASAP, it won't be a pretty picture.

These are the times when people really reach out. Rolls, bread, cake, juice. Normally a person will do whatever it takes to make everything ok. We get escorted to a table, the Manager comes over to ensure my family or friends and I are fine. It's a sucky reason but it's nice when you don't want to wait 30 minutes to be seated.

Then, there are those times when I do use my disease as a tool, I'll admit it. Why not? I feel like it effs with me constantly and eternally so why not use it to my advantage? Last night I started to cook dinner and found the propane tank had a lock on it. Turns out, my landlord didn't pay the bill so they stopped our service. I called the company, exclaimed loudly and strongly that I was a Type 1 Diabetic and if I wasn't able to cook myself dinner, there would be hell to pay.

So, yes. There are times when I use my disease. Just like it uses me. Then there are other times when more necessary attention is paid due to my disease. This is a good thing.

*Peace.

Daily 'D' Disclosure - #2

2011-11-03T08:32:00.000-07:00

November 3, 2011: I hate that Diabetes causes depression. I hate more that this disease sometimes has control over my happiness...and my self.

I am typically a happy person. I believe laughter is the best medicine. I believe humor can be found in all situations. I believe in the happiness of hope. I believe I am strong enough to handle anything. I believe life should be enjoyed.

Then Diabetes knocks on the door of my self and spirit.

Most people aren't aware that Depression is a side effect of Diabetes. I never did. But, I am not surprised. The daily load of crap Diabetics deal with...every moment....every breath....every meal and every thought....is a vertiable nightmare on our psyche. Not to mention the addition of the normal, every day, non-diseased life things...bills...relationships...work...that beat you down on any given day. Another lovely addition is that I am a female...hello, crazy bitch ass hormones!

Sometimes I'm a hawt mess!

But....I carry on. I smile when I want to cry. I laugh when I want to scream. I love when I want to hate. I dance when I want to curl up in a fetal position.

We are all different and all handle ourselves, our spirits and our disease differently. So, please don't assume that all Diabetics are the same. The vast differences would amaze you, I'm certain. The one common ground we have, though, is strength.

Today, I will give my Depression approximately 42 more minutes of my life....and then I will move on.

*Peace.

November = Diabetes Awareness

2011-11-02T05:11:00.000-07:00

*Everyone in the 'D' Community is aware of Diabetes.

*Those who have been diagnosed with this sweet chronic disease are aware that they have it.

*We are also aware that November is Diabetes Awareness month.

*AND we are aware that November 14th is World Diabetes Day. (Wear blue to show your support!)

That's a lot of awareness.

This morning I woke up and thought......why not share some of this fascinating awareness? Why not share the things that aren't normally shared. Good, bad, indifferent. The things that aren't necessarily ground breaking but aren't necessarily known about the life of a Diabetic. The unspoken things. The forgotten things. The things that have become so much a part of our lives that we overlook, don't pay attention or just mindlessly deal with them.

So, for the month of November, on my blog and on my Facebook page, I am going to share Daily 'D' disclosures!

***applause****

November 2, 2011: I have lost feeling in 6 of my fingers due to blood testing at least 10 times a day.

*Peace.

Eat My Words.

2011-10-19T07:24:00.000-07:00

One of the things I dislike about being a Diabetic is eating. I am not a big eater. It's not that I don't like to eat. I do. I love food. I mean, seriously, have you seen the size of my ass?

It's not that I have an eating disorder either. Never have, not even as a teen, because I've always loved my body image. I realize what 'too thin' is and I'm not a fan. Women should have curves. Women should not look like 12 year old boys. Plus, I hate to throw up so that would never be an issue with me.

It's just that most of the time I am not hungry. I could go an entire day without eating if I had that option. But....I don't. As a Diabetic, I have to eat. Technically...6x per day. Breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner, snack. Gah. I feel like I'm constantly shoving food into a mouth that isn't hungry. However, with the constant supply of suggested insulin being pumped into my body, not eating can cause serious problems. Let's say...a coma, for example. No bueno.

Having to force feed myself has robbed me of the joy of eating. Very rarely do I eat for pleasure. Eating has become something I have to do. I realize that living things have to eat. I get that. Somehow it's different for me.

I never want to eat when my sugar is low. Isn't that a hoot? It is literally a chore for the people in my life to get me to eat at a time when eating is a must. On the flip side, I always want to eat when my sugar is high. Ahhh....such is my D-life.

Usually, I'm eating to keep up with the insulin being delivered to my body and that a chore for me. Taking note of serving size, carbs, secret sauces, ingredients, blah blah blah. Nightmare. Takes all the fun out of a meal. Not to mention, all the steps in order to eat have me being the last one to begin and, then, the food is cold.

Yay. It's exhausting. Being a Type 1 Diabetic is exhausting....on every level.

So, I'm a Diabetic who doesn't like to eat. Probably for the same reason I don't like orange juice. It's just all medicine to my sugary brain.

*Peace.

Note: For anyone struggling with an eating disorder, you are not alone, please check out this site for assistance: National Eating Disorders

Sweet Pickup Lines

2011-09-02T10:29:00.000-07:00

We all need a dose of humor, now and then, in our chronic disease lives. Thankfully, humor never seems to leave mine. Whether it's from my insane brain or my family's or my friend's...things like this definitely make laughter the best of all medicine.

Abe gave me a hug the other day and his arm landed right on my pump. Throughout our relationship, I have lost many a pump due to poor placement. This time I thought I strategically placed it safely on my back. (Yes...I try to find places where the pump won't interfere with my clothing, my sex life, my everything. haha!) Anyway. Cutie patootie Abe, in his cheesy radio voice and creepily raising his eyebrows, says: 'Hey...is that a pump in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?'

Then it hit me.

What are some fabulous Diabetic Pickup Lines? And why haven't I been using them?!?!

Is that a pump in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Would you like to poke me?
You’re so sweet I need to inject.
You must be a Diabetic because you are full of sweetness.
I don’t need to check your blood sugar to know you’re a 10.
I’m feeling kinda low…could you gimme some sugar?
Too bad you’re a Diabetic cuz I was gonna give you some sugar tonight.
I’m feeling kinda low, could you give me some kisses?
I am not a prick.
I’ve never felt this glu-close to someone before.
High sugar.
You’re so sweet, I could just eat you….except I’m a Diabetic.
I could make you a Diabetic by injection.
I bet you are my type.

Do you know of any others? These are only a few that I have made up or seen. I have yet had the pleasure of using or having any used on me. *sigh*

Smile, sugar. Life is sweet.

*Peace

2011 JDRF Walk To Cure Diabetes

2011-08-06T06:59:00.000-07:00

Hello, everyone.

This year, I will again be taking part in the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation's Walk to Cure Diabetes. Now that I am living in NY, Amanda & I will be walking with the JDRF NENY Chapter in Kingston, NY on October 2, 2011. Shesh will continue handling things Vegas style with our team, ‘Insulin: Shaken, Not Stirred’. Shesh rocked the walk last year and I know this year will also be a success! Speaking of our team, based on the number of New Yorkers that show interest, I may create a NY version of ‘Insulin: Shaken, Not Stirred’. How fantastic would it be to have a West Coast and East Coast team? Take the country by storm! Nationwide!! So, come on NY. Let’s do this!

As a type 1 Diabetic who deals with the every day challenges and complications of this disease, finding a cure means more to me than anyone can imagine. Not only do I deal with the daily struggle of survival, I deal with the repercussions of this devastating chronic disease…and so do my family and my friends. Type 1, or juvenile, diabetes, is a devastating, often deadly disease that affects millions of people--a large and growing percentage of them children.

Many people think type 1 diabetes can be controlled by insulin. While insulin does keep people with type 1 diabetes alive, it is NOT a cure. Aside from the daily challenges of living with type 1 diabetes, there are many severe, often fatal, complications caused by the disease. That's the bad news... and yes, it's pretty bad. The good news, though, is that a cure for type 1 diabetes is within reach. In fact, JDRF funding and leadership is associated with most major scientific breakthroughs in type 1 diabetes research to date. JDRF funds a major portion of all type 1 diabetes research worldwide, more than any other charity.

I have set a personal goal of $100. An average person usually receives $100 in donations, so I am sure, with your help, that I can reach and pass my goal. Every year our team raises thousands of dollars for this cause. I have no doubt that this year won’t be any different thanks to the generosity of people like yourselves.

To help us fight for a cure and to help JDRF help millions of children and adults like myself, please click here: Support Me!

To help my Vegas team, Insulin: Shaken, Not Stirred and my fellow Type 1 Twin (T1T), please click here: Support Us!

If you are interested in joining ‘Insulin: Shaken, Not Stirred’ Vegas, or would like to be part of & help create ‘Insulin: Shaken, Not Stirred’ NY, please send me a message at kellysblogs@hotmail.com. You can also contact me on Facebook at My Face Has a Book . Our team, ‘Insulin: Shaken, Not Stirred’, also has a Facebook fan page. It’s here you will find up to date information on both walks, see team photos and become part of something legendary! Log on and’Like’ today!

Team T-shirts are always available for purchase at Coolest T-shirts EVER! . These fashion statements were designed by our fabulous friend, Laura. You, too, can view Laura’s talent at ArtbyEllie.com

The NY event details are as follows:

Tech City

Kingston, NY

October 2, 2011

12pm

The Vegas event details are as follows:

UNLV

Las Vegas, NV

November 19, 2011

9:00am

More details will be forthcoming closer to the event dates.

This is going to be a great walk to support an even greater cause. If we all work together, I am positive that we can make a cure for Diabetes...Type 1, 1.5 and 2...a reality. We are so very close.

Thank you in advance!

*Peace.

Cult of Personality Changes.

2011-07-09T19:32:00.000-07:00

Recently, a close family friend of mine, who is also a Type 1 Diabetic, mentioned to me that Diabetes was affecting his personality. I honest to blog have never put those two things together...and I'm not sure why I haven't! It completely and totally makes perfect sense.

Diabetes has changed my personality. Diabetes also changes my personality when my sugar is low or high. That's a fact that is undeniable. We can't choose the mood or pick our personality when our sugar drops. I know one moment I can be tying a hand towel around my neck & flying around the kitchen like I'm Superwoman.

The next moment I'm grabbing scissors and threatening to cut people while spittles of anger fly from my mouth. The same thing happens when my sugar is high but not to the same extent. When my sugar is high I typically turn into Superbitch, not Superwoman.

I can remember being a 16 year old carefree, happy, giggly, positive, hopeful girl. I would find humor, joy & fun in everything. I was rarely angry, there wasn't any reason. I was only sad when a boy I liked didn't like me. I wasn't mean unless given a reason to be. I wasn't more moody or tired than any other teenager.

I wasn't sick.

That quickly changed.

Now, 26 years later, I'm moody at a moment's notice. I can experience 42 different moods in 42 seconds. I'm angry to the point of destruction. Sometimes I scare myself. I'm beyond mean & can tear a person down with my verbal assault. I'm so tired from trying to survive every moment of every day. I'm a total bitch who can make a person emotionally unstable. I, myself, become emotionally unstable.

I am sick.

That isn't quickly changing.

Diabetics are prone to many types of personality changes, yet, people do not really talk about them. These personality changes are typically the result of glucose levels changing. When your blood glucose levels become dangerously high or low, a normal behaving person can become angry, hostile, combative, silly, stupid or confused. The brain is not getting the normal glucose that it needs to function properly.

Not only does this happen at the time of uncontrolled glucose levels, it also seeps over into constant life behaviors. Personality changes are just one of the many things that a Diabetic has to deal with, accommodate & learn to live with every day.

Here is a reminder of some of the wonderful things a Diabetic deals with on a daily basis:

Fatigue
Insomnia
Mental confusion
Nervousness
Panic/Anxiety
Mood swings
Faintness
Headaches
Depression
Phobias
Heart palpitations
A craving for sweets
Cold hands and feet
Forgetfulness
Dizziness
Blurred vision
Inner trembling
Outbursts of temper
Sudden hunger
Allergies
Crying spells

Keep this in mind when the Diabetic in your life gets bitchy. Keep in mind that it's not an easy thing to have a chronic invisible disease. So, please understand, and most of all, forgive.

*Peace.

Raw Emotion Rant

2011-04-18T16:01:00.000-07:00

Today, I am just writing off the raw emotion I am feeling. The raw emotion that I, as someone living, breathing & dealing with a chronic disease, feels but denies every day.

I am pissed off, I am scared, I am angry, I am frustrated, I am sad and I am exhausted. Those are the raw emotions that I deny. Those are the raw emotions that I hide. Those are the raw emotions that I fight. Along with fighting a disease, I fight these feelings every moment of every day.

Every god damn day I fight to stay alive. I fight against a force that I can't beat. I fight a battle that I will never win. I fight against antibodies that never, ever stop attacking my body. I fight against a disease that, no matter how hard I try, how tight of control I keep, how well I eat, how hopeful I remain, will kick my ass over and over again. I fight against people who say I did this to myself, I ate too much sugar, I didn't exercise enough, I didn't pray enough, I must have done something wrong, I must have deserved it, I must have pissed karma off. I fight against giving up and giving in. I fight against no one understanding, no one knowing, no one getting it, no one ever getting it....

I am strong because I have to be. I am hopeful because my life depends on it. I am healthy because I struggle to be. I am positive because if I were negative I'd never survive. I smile & laugh because my life is too short not to.

I have an A1C that has been between 6.1 and 6.5 for the past several years. I am a textbook Diabetic. I am the person whose Endocrinologist wants to brag about & use as an example to all of his other Diabetic patients. I have been proud of my health care & how well I have taken care of myself. These things have not been easy. Not easy at all. No one knows about how hard it has been because I don't let anyone know how hard it has been. I don't want anyone to see me as weak, or soft, or broken, or...worse yet...sick. I want to be seen as normal. Just normal.

Yet, all of this doesn't matter. I walk into my Dr. office today to go over my recent bloodwork. Another day in the life. As always, I have my positive attitude & my humor, ready to hear the news that I'm still a Diabetic. Yes, yes, my antibodies are attacking my thyroid. Check. Yes, yes, my cholesterol is a little high. Check. Yes, yes, my A1C is 6.4. Check. Yes, yes, blah, blah, same, same, check, check. Wait. My kidneys are only functioning at 54%. 54%? A loud banging starts consuming my head drowning out my Dr's voice. Visions of 'Steel Magnolia's' playing simultaneously in my minds eye. The banging turns into a chant 'Renal failure. Renal failure. Renal failure.' My Dr. looks at me with that look no one wants to see. But I do. I see it.

I see it.
I feel it.
I know it.

As much as I hate to admit it, as much as I hate to think it, I know it. This f*cking disease is killing me.

And it's not because I did this to myself. I did not douse myself in a vat full of sugar until my pancreas took a shit. My type is genetic. My rare Type 1 was just part of my DNA. Lucky me. It's not my parents fault because how were they to know what the DNA combination would cause...they couldn't. It's not because I don't believe in God. I believed in God & I got Diabetes. Now I believe in science because that is what will save me. Eventually. When the stingy stop focusing on how much money the sick makes them & actually give up the cure I know they have. It's not because I deserved it. I was too young to have done anyone wrong when I got Diabetes. I did not get this because I was fat. I'm now at the fattest I have ever been & that's because of the insulin!

I just don't understand how people with healthy bodies can abuse the crap out of them with drugs, smoking, drinking, whatever & be fine. Then you have people with chronic diseases who struggle every damn moment to 'be fine' and live only to be denied. What I wouldn't give for a healthy body?! What I wouldn't give for a cure?!! I also don't understand how there are piece of shit people who would kill their own children live healthy, albeit jacked up, lives. How the hell can Charles Manson be healthy & alive?! How the hell???

All of this is fresh after my best friend losing her daughter to Cystic Fibrosis & a friend's young, sweet, daughter ending up in the hospital thanks to her new found friend, Diabetes. So the unfairness of it all is just overwhelming. No one deserves to be sick, but especially not young, beautiful children. Then, those young, beautiful children grow up to be young, beautiful adults with a crap load of expensive health issues that will eventually destroy them.

I don't typically play the 'why me' card, or the 'this is so unfair' card, but I am today. I will go back to being the positive 'I'm gonna kick Diabetes' ass!' tomorrow. But, tonight, I'm down for the count. I've thrown in the towel.

I'm scared. Terrified. Tonight I'm letting it show. I don't want to be sick. I don't want to have anything bad happen. I don't want anymore drugs or devices shoved into or onto my body. I don't want anymore pain.

I know this makes no sense to anyone other than me but if I don't get it out, my head will explode. I'm just so over f*cking Diabetes and so over my body. It's like all my shitty little antibodies are drilling holes in their vessel. Not smart, Diabetes....not smart. Sooner or later....this ship is gonna sink.

Love Bug.

2011-03-27T06:18:00.000-07:00

Imagine, for a moment, that Diabetes was a chronic illness that couldn't be controlled. It's hard for any Diabetic to imagine it because we have, in our own personal power, the ability to sustain & live successfully with a chronic illness. We have the choice. We all are pretty certain that Diabetes will be the cause of death. The thing that will eventually wear our bodies down until it just can't take it anymore. But, with proper care, we can live long, full & wonderful lives. For that, we are lucky. We may not be lucky to have a chronic illness, no. But, we are lucky to have this particular one, as opposed to many other chronic illnesses. Many other chronic illnesses that take that choice away.

Notice I say 'illness' and not 'disease'. That is also my choice.

Now, back to imagining. Imagine living a life that, deep down, you know will be destroyed by chronic illness. How would you live? How would your attitude be? Would you be able to smile? Would you be able to laugh? Would you be able to maintain hope? Would you dream? Would you be able to be an amazing person in spite of the hand life dealt you? I'm not gonna lie, it would be a struggle for me. Every day, every hour, every minute, every second would be a struggle.

Recently, we lost my best friend's daughter to Cystic Fibrosis. She was 17. She was my 'Love Bug'. I'm crying as I write this, a week later, because this beautiful, young woman was everything I would hope to be like given the same situation. She was someone who inspired me when I started to feel depressed about my own chronic illness. She was someone who everyone should aspire to be like, whether child, teen or adult. Yes. I believe that.

She was amazing. Not amazing because I know her. Not amazing because she's the child of my best friend of 26 years. Not amazing because I love her. Amazing because of everything she was and amazing because of how she chose to live her life. She was brave, hopeful, charming, bright, funny, full of love and full of smiles. Even though she was afraid, as everyone would be, she handled her life with a grace and beauty that was indescribable.

A grace & beauty that is rare. A grace & beauty that everyone should be lucky enough to embrace. A grace & beauty that I wish more teens her age had. That I wish more people had. A grace & beauty that made this world, yours & mine, a better place.

I am a hopeful person. I am someone who believes in miracles. I am someone who wants good to win over bad. I am someone who wants life to be fair. I am someone who protects & loves with every fiber of my being. I am someone who doesn't want to see the people she loves shattered.

And...yet...I couldn't protect. I couldn't protect this beautiful young woman and I couldn't protect her beautiful mother. I refused to believe this would happen and I refused to give up hope.

My heart is broken....but imagine, if you will, the heart of my dearest friend.

There is nothing else I choose to share because Love Bug didn't want sympathy. She didn't want anyone to see her as someone with an illness. She just wanted to be seen as someone. That's it. A teenager, a young lady, a person. She also wanted her privacy and I shall respect that.

Please visit the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation website. Volunteer, donate, support, take part in finding a cure for this devastating disease.

Because no parent should ever have to outlive their child.

Thank you.
Kelly

Faux Vibrations!

2011-03-09T07:17:00.000-08:00

Yes...I vibrate. I do. Sounds very exciting, no?

::wink wink nudge nudge::

No. It's not.

I am not sure whether it's because I'm a Diabetic or if it's because I am walking around with too many devices but I get faux vibrations. A lot.

Getting vibrations makes me feel like something is wrong. My pump is jacked. My sugar is too high. My sugar is too low. I'm missing a call. I'm missing a text. I'm missing....OH NO...a Facebook notification haha! Missing calls is a good thing, actually. Grrrr to talking on the phone. But, every single time something vibrates, my heart skips a beat and my stomach drops a little. The fact that this happens when nothing is vibrating drives me a little insane.

I am so used to wearing a pump and a CGM that any vibration means trouble. Those two life saving devices have made good vibrations bad. Stupid Diabetes. The fact that my brain has gotten used to vibrations, associates it with something being wrong and causes my heart to beat a little faster cannot be a good thing. Especially when it's not really happening.

I swear, I knew when I decided to write about faux vibrations that I would sound like a crazy person but I just 'googled' and I'm not entirely alone. Whew! Once again, thank you Google!! Thank you for being my hero!!

PS - do NOT Google 'vibrations'.....especially if you are at work. *yikes*

However, maybe these lunatics & I are just brave enough to admit it in public. haha!

I'm not alone in my vibrating world.

The only difference is they don't also have a chronic disease to blame.

I think it's nuts that I haven't worn my pump or CGM for about...3 months because the lack of insurance has prevented me from doing so. A problem that has been remedied but I've just been so busy...or lazy....to get all of my Diabetes ducks in order. I will line those suckers up, though, I will. BUT, even after being an anti-cyborg for that long, I continue to vibrate. Like I said...nuts...but so very curious. Do any other PWD's vibrate mysteriously? Haha! So pervy & I just can't help it. Sorry! ;)

I wonder if my vibrations will last forever....and how I can make them good.

*Peace

Pump It Up!

2011-02-17T11:18:00.000-08:00

I love my insulin pump. Love. It. I was an old school injector for most of my Diabetic life. So, when I first heard about the pump, I rejected the idea. I was anti-pump. It scared me, to be quite honest. I didn’t want this ‘thing’ attached to my body all the time. What about swimming?! What if you could see it?! How would I sleep with it?! What about SEX?!?! ARGH!!!! No way!

Also, I was used to sustaining my life in a particular way. I had a process that I was comfortable with and wasn’t interested in changing it. I don’t know what prompted me to change, but I did. Now I can’t believe I didn’t switch teams earlier.

Since having no insurance, I have had to revert back to my old ways of shooting up. This made me realize how wonderful my pump is. Shooting up is a nightmare!

Isn’t life funny that way? You take for granted the fabulous things until you don’t have them any longer. Lately, I have been trying to be grateful for everything in my life, all the time. We all should. You never know when the Universe will grab your water globe and shake the crap out of it.

Anyway, I find that my sugar drops WAY more with injections than it does with the pump. Not that my bs runs higher with the pump, I’m just constantly being fed insulin which helps regulate my intake. In fact, my A1C has never been better than when I’m pumping. True story. With injections, insulin is being shot into the body in one lump sum causing reactions if life happens. And life does happen. Haha! Injections also hurt. Think about it, I am shooting up, on average, 5x per day, 2 different kinds of insulin. Ow. Like I said…night...mare.

Here are a few Pro’s and Con’s about pumps vs injections, in my humble opinion. I’ll start with the Pro’s first because I’m positive like that. ;)

Shooting Up Pros
-No protruding cyborg parts or tubing permanently attached to your body for 3 days in a row.
-Less expensive than pump supplies
-Less skin irritation, bruising and scaring.

Pumping Up Pros
-Less painful.
-Better overall control & better for the body.
-Being able to eat whatever you want.

Shooting Up Cons
-Lows, lows, lows.
-Painful.
-Obvious.
-If you forget your pen/needle, you are screwed.

Pumping Up Cons
-Expensive.
-People always ask what it is when they notice it.
-Visible through clothing or swimsuit weather.
-Marks sensitive skin.

Trust me, this a short list, but you get my point. A few years ago, I would have never given the pump the time of day. Now…I want to give my pump every moment of my day. Because it’s nice to know I am taking care of my body in the best way possible.

So, today I am grateful for my insulin pump.

*Peace.

Life Juice

2011-01-26T05:57:00.000-08:00

It's always hard for someone to completely understand that I have a chronic disease. They hear it, they may know it....but they never really get it. I'm positive that this is something all Type 1's deal with and often. Why? Because we look like nothing is wrong. That's the kicker. Perception is reality & people perceive me as being a healthy young woman.

Yea...that's right! I said young!!! Shush!

Here's my most recent battle with disregard. Many of you know that I was laid off in April. Being laid off sucks for everyone but especially for someone with a chronic disease. Being laid off means being cut off from assistance with obtaining medical supplies. Luckily for me, Doc B was beyond fabu, as he always is. He gave me as many free samples & refills as possible before I was completely denied coverage. Needless to say, it's almost February and I'm just now running out. I owe Doc B huge! The BEST Endo I ever had the privilege of knowing.

I started working in October which made me eligible for health insurance in January. Hurrah! I'll take it! I'll do it! I don't care that I made more on unemployment, I would have benefits! That's what matters most to people with chronic diseases. Not the pay. Not the tasks. Not the co-workers. Not the schedule. Nothing matters....just coverage. That's it. I would gladly shovel shit for 10 hours a day at minimum wage if I were promised health benefits. It's true.

I'm not saying I'd be happy about it but I'd do it. I wouldn't have a choice now, would I? Nope.

Well, January rolled around and I had a Dr. appt, I had the Pharmacist on stand by just waiting to hand over my meds, I had relief on the horizon, safety at my scarred fingertips, my good health just a breath away.....then it was gone.

Gone.
Gone.
Gone?

Yes. Gone. I was told that I wouldn't be able to get benefits because they missed the deadline. Ummm....what? You've had 3 months of knowledge that I was here & eligible. It's not like I was a big surprise thrown in your lap one January morning. I've been saying I couldn't wait to get benefits, that I was running out of meds, that I had a Dr. appt. I even took the day off for the Dr. appt. soooo....huh? Small town. Small company. HUGE disregard.

Once again....I had been douched. Then it hit me. People really don't get it. This isn't about getting a flu shot or breast implants. This isn't about getting my teeth cleaned or vitamins. This is about life juice.

Life juice.

Without it......there is no life.

Period. New line.

It's funny to me that I came home and I was so happy that I found a job and a boyf. I thought 'I was meant to be home! This was meant to be! YES!' Only to have both of those things douche me 3 months later. Awesome how life lessons never end.

I have to laugh though because I'm totally Murphy's Law. I have known this over half of my life. I have grown used to laughing about it because there is, in fact, humor in everything. Even pain, loss, disappointment...and douching. Letting it defeat me would go against everything I am as a person so I don't. This, of course, after the tears dry and the stress lessens..a bit.

I carry on.

And kick life's ass.

I now have a new job, benefits on the horizon, a fab new Dr. & lovely Pharmacist waiting. Side note: New Dr. quoted Princess Bride. How could I not love him? New Pharmacist is a doll face who referred me to him & is always willing to help. Kudos to them both.

I have had unbelievable kindness from friends, old and new, offering everything from money to meds to cawfee. Mmm....cawfee. That's some pretty fabulous karma...to be loved. So, a big thanks to my life heroes. A big puffy heart to you.

And a big GFYS to those who just don't get it.

As a big believer in karma, I have no doubt that what comes around....goes around....so hang on tight.

It's coming.

*Peace.

Diabetes Treaty-sss.

2011-01-07T06:02:00.000-08:00

I'm in the process of engaging in a Diabetes Treaty. My D & I have not been friends lately and, quite frankly, it's all my fault.

I have piled on 9 months of stressful bs and my bs has paid dearly for it. Most recently, my relationship has been the stress inducer. Typically I lead a serene, calm, peaceful life full of laughter. My home life is quiet, my social life is fun and my health reaps those benefits. I worked long and hard to achieve the lifestyle I maintained. Until recently.

I've dealt with some of the top stressful situations one can deal with in their lives. Let's go in order. Job loss. Thus causing medical benefit/care loss, thus causing salary loss, thus causing home loss, thus causing the 2nd stressor. Moving. I packed up & headed to Seattle only to pack up and head to NY. Thus causing money loss, 'stuff' loss, comfort loss, safety loss and hello #3. Relationship. What a nightmare. Granted, I was feeling supremely weak, beaten & lost. I shouldn't have expected someone to save me or take care of me. But...I did...and he didn't. Thus causing money loss, sleep loss, time loss, family loss, friend loss, love loss, health loss.

My body gave out. I was done. Mentally, physically, emotionally. I had low bs 4 nights in a row one week. That NEVER happens. My daughter had to bust out the Glucagon. Holy crap on a cracker. The last time I was desperately in need of life via Glucagon was when I was in Ireland and my bs dropped to a 7. Hello, coma. I saw myself heading down the straight & narrow path to that end result. Danger! Danger, Will Robinson!!

I did what I needed to do. Began purging my life of the negative, chaotic, dramatic, stress inducing existence that I had somehow allowed myself, in a moment of weakness, to fall into. Head first.

Well, now that I'm the 'bad' guy, I'm the 'healthy' guy. Why is that anyway? Someone always has to be the bad guy. We are adults. Can't we just end a relationship, no fault, simply because it isn't working? Nope. However, this stress path has been closed for construction so blame all you want. I don't care. Why don't I care? Nooo...not because I am mean, heartless, cold and a nasty to the core bitch. Because my health, my happiness, my life is far more important than anyone else. The life I create & provide for my daughter is far more important. The fact that I am sleeping, smiling, breathing and nearly stress free is far more important.

It's a new year and and an old me. I've found my positive energy, I've found my hope and I've found my funny. My goals for the 1st quarter of 2011 - new job, new apt, new boyf - in that order and all wonderful. ;)

Many people don't realize how stress affects a Diabetic. Stress affects everyone, to be sure, I'm not taking that away from the healthy. But, it's a deadly combination for Diabetics. Now that I have experience in the subject, I can voice an opinion on it. Relax. Breathe. Exercise. Take care of what you can control. Learn to cope with the things you cannot. Most of all, laugh a little. Your health is worth it. You are worth it. I am worth it.

So, Diabetes, I hereby entreat to you the realization that our relationship is first. If we have a good working, functioning relationship full of communication and respect, I can have the same with others. I let you down, I abused you, I ignored you, I pretended you weren't there and I apologize. I promise to relax and get back into your good graces. I've already started and look how well we've been getting on?

I promise to put you, ie: my health, first & foremost. Pinky promise. Because without my health, I have nothing.

*Peace.

Dear One Touch

2010-09-29T10:16:00.000-07:00

I hate you and love you simutaneously. Love you because you let me know how my bs is doing, you are small, compact, colorful and you are easy to use. Hate you because you are expensive and I always mess up at least 2 strips per bottle.

I think you should give extra strips for those partiular moments. Those moments when I prick my finger, squeeze as much blood as possible out and place it on your waiting strip. Keep in mind that I have been a Diabetic for 27 years. It's not always easy to get blood from my callused, beat up, sore finger tips. Sometimes I will squeeze the hell out of my finger until my tips turn bright red. Sometimes I have to poke my finger about 50 times to get any blood at all! I try to get blood, though, and if it doesn't work, I simply poke another spot.

Your little strip anxiously awaits these moments with it's drop of blood flashing on it's screen like a hungry vampire. Beckoning. Waiting. Watching. I apply my drop and, mother trucker, the blood doesn't cover every exact piece of your strip. I frantically try to add more blood but it's too late. Your bloody blue vampire tells me there is an error. ER5!!!! One strip wasted.

Since a bottle of 25 strips costs about $28, let's say I lose a $1 each time you decide to be sassy. One would think that any blood would suffice. One would think that you should be able to add more blood while the timer is still counting down. One would think you would make these strips affordable for those who don't have health insurance or for those whose health insurance won't cover test strips. One would think you would understand and throw a couple of free strips in the bottle. But you don't..and I watch part of my unemployment check get tossed in the trash while I stick my sore finger in my mouth and curse the Gods.

I guess what I'm trying to say, One Touch, is that I get nervous every time I go to test my blood sugar and realize there's only a couple of strips left. I get nervous when I go to my Diabetic supply stash and see only one bottle of test strips left. I get nervous because I know I will have to spend $100 to make it through the next couple of weeks. I'm a good Diabetic. I test my blood sugar, on average, 10 times a day. I get nervous that I will mess up and not apply enough blood. I get nervous that I'll have to alter my care routine.

So, give us Diabetics a break, One Touch. I know you gave us a free meter once upon a time. Thank you very much. But, now it's time to give us something back again. We give you our money, our pain and our blood. Don't we deserve something for being lifetime customers? Something? Anything? Please?

Love,
Kelly and all other One Touch users.

*Peace.

Sweet in Seattle.

2010-08-29T11:23:00.000-07:00

You are looking at the new 'Seattle Diabetes Examiner'. Recently I was 'hired' to write for Examiner.com.

I say 'hired' because I only get paid based on readers. Hopefully I will generate enough readers to make it count. Anyway, part of my agreement was that I write about Diabetes in Seattle. Events, fundraisers, news, whatevs. The thing is...and I'm surprised by it...there is rarely anything happening in this town regarding Diabetes.

I don't understand. Isn't there anything sweet in Seattle? Other than myself? *teehee! ;)

I mean....

ADA has a local office.
JDRF has a local chapter.

There is the PNDRI, the Benaroya Diabetes Center , and the Swedish Medical Center has an education center. These are only a FEW of the resources available here in Seattle.

Seattle not only has one of the highest rates of Type 1 Diabetes in the country, it is also forefront in Diabetes research. So, I have to admit, I'm a little surprised that there are not more D-related activities going on. What am I supposed to write about?! Ugh.

In any event, like I mentioned. I get paid based on clicks. You don't necessarily have to read my outstanding, witty and gripping wordsmithing....I'll leave that to your discretion. But, my purse and I would appreciate a simple click or ten. So...clickity, click, click, click.

Seattle Diabetes Examiner.

Have your friends and family click, too. Email random strangers and ask for clicks. I'm not proud. I'm hungry....and broke.

If anyone is aware of any Seattle Diabetes events or you, yourself, are taking part in an event, please send me a note. I will gladly promote and advertise!

Also, since I'm in the mood to promote myself, there is a donation tab to your left. Come on, I know you see it. 'CANDY COATED DONATIONS'...right there ---> On your right ----> Directly under my mug ---->

I have been unemployed for 5 months. I have not had health benefits for the same amount of time. Since I have not yet found a job nor have I hit Mega Millions, any help would be appreciated as I do sincerely enjoy living....and eating.

Many thanks!

*Peace.

3 Bottles & You're Out!

2010-08-11T19:45:00.001-07:00

Today I put my OmniPod back on. Oh joy. Oh rapture. I don't know what's worse. Going pod free & shooting up constantly or having a life invasive pod. I've been shooting up for a week. My pods are running low and I wanted to see how it would be to deal with Diabetes old school. It's been years.

The first few days went really well. I lo-carbed, bs was well controlled, and I had a sense of freedom. I even lost a couple of pounds because I switched from Lantus to Levemir. My Dr. gave me a sample pen before I left with the instruction to lower the dosage so I did. Levemir may be my new favorite drug. The down side was shooting up. My arms aren't used to getting the needle any more and it hurt. My legs aren't used to getting the needle anymore and I bruised. For whatever reason, I can't shoot up in my stomach. Even though I wear my pod there most of the time so I don't really understand why. I just can't. *shudder*

However, the past couple of days have been a struggle. My bs was running higher. I tried to introduce Symlin again to bring my bs down without od-ing on Novolog. It did not work. Does Symlin expire after a couple of months? I wouldn't think so. Years, yes. Months, no. I filled my last prescription before I left Vegas. I can't imagine it's potency is short lived like that. But, whatever, it wasn't working. I kept shooting up my Novolog because that wasn't working either. Funny thing is, I haven't eaten anything today but breakfast. I had one of those thin bagels. So, it wasn't like I was at a Vegas all you can eat buffet.

Side note: Thin bagels are awesome! Total bagel love without the mega carb action.

So, I'm not sure what's going on with my body or my insulin. Maybe stress? Maybe bad insulin? Maybe Diabetes trying to kick my ass? Tonight my pre-dinner bs was 297. Nope. Not going to have it. Diabetes can suck it. I grabbed my bag full of pod supplies and started the process. I used all of the insulin I keep in my pod bag so I went to the fridge to grab a replacement.

Dun dun dun.......

Three bottles. Three bottles of insulin left. Three bottles...and I'm out. The Dr. only gave me one Levemir pen. I still have a couple Lantus, Novolog & Symlin pens left. Even though they may not work any longer. But, three bottles...and I'm out.

This realization was like being sucker punched in the gut. I am running out of time. Running out of time and there is nothing I can do about it.

I need one of the following:

A doctor husband.
An endless insulin supply.
A Mega Millions jackpot.
A cure.
A job with benefits.

STAT.

On a happier note, 'Naturally Sweet' was mentioned in the Fall issue of Las Vegas Woman Magazine! Page 25! I also have two stories appearing in the magazine: The Cougar Has Turned and 100 Years of Medicine. I managed to score a cover feature. Go me! Check out this issue for some great medical information.

*Peace.

Patient 69.

2010-08-05T15:26:00.000-07:00

I have been wearing a pump for two years now. I think it's been two years. I'm not sure...I lose track. Before that I spent 24 years shooting up anywhere from 2 to 10 times per day. What makes me curious is that after 24 years of treating my Diabetes a certain way, then switching to another way, is that I forget the original. I forgot how much Lantus I take, I forgot how much Novolog I take, I forgot how much I hate being pricked, I forgot how much I hate math.

I forget. A lot.

Do any other Diabetics have trouble remembering things?

I've been wondering about Diabetes and my brain lately. I smoked a lot of weed back in the late 80's and early 90's. I'll admit it. I've never hid my drug addiction and never will. I had just found out I was a Type 1 Diabetic when I started really smoking. Add a chronic disease to all the other teen angst and I'm surprised I survived at all. While the latest trend is medical marijuana, I can't help but wonder if that effected my memory. Being a stoner, while being responsible for having some of the best times of my life, may have altered my brain power just a bit.

However, I think Diabetes has totally ruined my mind. I have trouble remembering things that happened prior to becoming a doobie smoker! Has all of the low bs episodes I've had throughout my life destroyed my hippocampus?

In addition, when my blood sugar drops, I sometimes think I am losing my mind. I mean literally insane. I believe that how I feel during a low bs is exactly how a crazy person must feel and think. It's total out of control lunacy.

Today I was just crazy. Nuts. My mother drives me crazy sometimes. She creates scenarios and ideas based on things that don't exist. I think the reason is because she doesn't understand my sense of humor. Therefore, whatever I say in jest is taken personally even if it wasn't directed to her, which it never is. Then I get angry because I have an anger control problem and Boom. Crazy ensues.

I must be a magnet for women who are bonkers because I've been surrounded by them lately. Every. Where! I don't understand why I can't be surrounded by gorgeous, intelligent men instead.

The stress of all this crazy caused my blood sugar to drop to the point where I was literally in tears wondering and struggling with the idea that I was the crazy one.

I am not crazy.

I'm not. In fact, I'm so in touch with reality that it's virtually impossible for me to go mad. But, here I was, asking my daughter if I was insane. My blood & oxygen starved brain, for a moment in time, thought I was like Leonardo DiCaprio in Shutter Island.

So, those are my two questions fellow PWD's.

Do you have memory issues?

Do you have insanity issues?

I would love your feedback!

Oh...and PS...yes, NOW I am talking about you. This is your chance to legitimately behave poorly.

*Peace.

Breaking Point.

2010-07-28T08:57:00.000-07:00

*Authors Note: This post was originally meant for The Lying, The Bitch & The Wardrobe. I felt it necessary to also post here because it has to do with Diabetes.

I don't reach my breaking point often.

I was a child that was faced with a lot of emotional stress. A lot of change. A lot of trauma. A lot of discord. I was happy in spite of it. Even then, I refused to let anything bad be the cause of my downfall.

I evolved into a woman that has mounds of hope. My hope is almost endless. I believe good things will happen. I believe in laughing in the face of strife. I believe in being as strong as you possibly can because only you have to power to let yourself down. I believe I am deserving and I believe I am capable. I believe I can do anything. My dreams are endless, my passion for life is bountiful and my determination is steadfast.

I fight and I fight hard..but you'll never know that.

Today is one of those days that I'm not winning the fight.

Today, I have reached my breaking point.

I am in that 'poor me' moment. I loathe those moments. I feel broken and defeated. My confidence has been tilted and my hope has been bruised. It's not in my nature to give up, however, I have certainly entertained the thought.

I feel so unaccomplished even though I know I'm not. I had the power and the plucky nerve to change my stars. I always have. Most recently...unabashed, I went headfirst in a Penske toward my dream and I changed everything. I should feel so proud and so wonderful! I should be puffed up like a peacock strutting my ass all over Seattle.

Some days...I do...

Not today. Today I'm more like an ostrich. For what seems like the 100th time, I received a rejection email. The crushing of my soul came in the form of a mass produced impersonal email. Gawd, really? This is why I don't date! I can only take so much rejection! Even if I'm the one doing the rejecting, I feel horrible. Is this what it takes? To feel completely awful and to have your self esteem kicked in the vagina? I don't know.

Do you fall hard before you're picked up? Do you exhaust every possible option before you give up? Do you keep plucking away and harden yourself to the results? I don't know that either.

Don't get me wrong. I love not working! I do! Who wouldn't love to have all the time in the world to do whatever they please? To answer to no one. To be responsible to only yourself. To have the world at your feet and the leisure to walk slowly.

I also love Seattle! The most amazing city and area that I have ever had the pleasure of living in. Granted, I've only lived in NY, FL, TX and NV so that really doesn't give me the right to partake in a grand comparison. But, I think Seattle is amazing and I can see myself being a lifer.

What I don't love is that the freedom of unemployment comes with some pretty tight restraints and difficult boundaries. The first being my disease. I fucking hate Diabetes today. I'm not a fan of it any day, really, but it's something I do. You brush your teeth every day. So do I, but I also check my blood sugar, count carbs, shoot up, don't exercise too much, eat, blah blah blah. It's just another life thing. Well, no job means no benefits. No benefits means no medicine. No medicine means death. This scares the shit out of me.

I do not show Diabetes my fear. I will not give it the satisfaction. I know it will be the death of me. I know my body will slowly destroy itself. Keyword...slowly. I have worked so diligently at getting myself to a spot where everything disease related is as perfect as it can get. Everything I do, every move I make, is so that I live as long as I can, in spite of the fact that I have a chronic disease. Without benefits, I falter, I fail, I risk losing everything I worked so hard to accomplish. A model Diabetic who my Dr. would brag about...may not be so model soon. Without benefits....how will I survive?

Many think spiders are my greatest fear but really it's a Diabetes. I just don't talk about it in terms of losing a limb or worse..my life.

No job means no money. My daughter turns 16 next month. I had told her that I would take her to NYC for her birthday. It literally breaks my heart and hurts so deeply inside my stomach that I can't breathe. It's crippling. I can't. I can't give her anything because I don't have anything to give. Here is where the tears turn into gut wrenching pain. I sob. I had a plan. NYC and a car. I had a plan and I don't like it when plans change. I don't like to be unable to do what I want, when I want, how I want.

I'm a spoiled only child, for fuck sake.

Not only does Amanda turn 16, she is starting a new school in September. No school clothes for her. That's wonderful. Especially considering her jeans are too tight and too short. Great. Wonderful. Makes me feel super accomplished as a mother. Yea.

What I do know is that I am a good person. I can do any job and I can do it well. I won a trip to Oahu for being a great freaking employee!! How can I not get a chance? How can I not even be considered for a job at Starbucks? I don't understand. I've walked into Starbucks and seen the baristas screw up my drink as I'm ordering. I've seen baristas passing out free drinks that they have messed up. I've seen snotty & rude baristas. I've seen dingbat baristas. I am none of those things. And, yes, people make mistakes but jaysus cripes, you won't even consider me for a part time barista position? Why? WHY?!

I don't know why because I'll never be able to ask.

So, I'm having a moment. I've reached my breaking point..which is not pretty, by the way. My daughter just woke up and saw my moment. Good, I guess, because she should know life isn't all sunshine & rainbows. Bad, I guess, because I'm all she has and I'm supposed to be strong and confident. I'm supposed to take care of her. How can I take care of her if I can't take care of myself? How am I supposed to do any when I'm slumped over my desk crying?

I need a hug.

And a rich husband.

And..most of all....a job.

*Peace.

JDRF Walk to Cure Diabetes

2010-07-23T11:27:00.000-07:00

Greetings!

I'm writing to you to ask for your support in a very special cause.

This year, I'll be taking part in the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation's Walk to Cure Diabetes along with a half-million other walkers across the country. Our goal: To raise $90 million to help fund research for a cure for type 1 diabetes and its complications.

Type 1, or juvenile, diabetes, is a devastating, often deadly disease that affects millions of people--a large and growing percentage of them children.

Many people think type 1 diabetes can be controlled by insulin. While insulin does keep people with type 1 diabetes alive, it is NOT a cure. Aside from the daily challenges of living with type 1 diabetes, there are many severe, often fatal, complications caused by the disease.

That's the bad news... and yes, it's pretty bad.

The good news, though, is that JDRF is making steady progress toward a cure. In fact, JDRF funding and leadership is associated with most major scientific breakthroughs in type 1 diabetes research to date. And JDRF funds more type 1 research than any other charity worldwide.

I'm writing to ask for your support because now more than ever, EACH of us can be a part of bringing about a cure. Each of us can make a real difference

Won't you please give to JDRF as generously as you're able?

Together, we can make the cure a reality.

Please visit my Walk Web page if you would like to donate online or see how close I am to reaching my personal goal:

Insulin: Shaken, Not Stirred

Thank you!

*Peace.

Carb Content

2010-07-15T09:05:00.000-07:00

This morning I woke up with a bs of 47. No bueno. No wonder I was so comfortably asleep...I was heading down to coma town.

Anyway, I got up thinking I would eat some cereal. I haven't really eaten anything for 2 days because I was sick. This morning the combo of no food & low bs resulted in an overwhelming hunger. A cereal craving. I opened up the pantry and, oddly enough, all the cereal nutritional panels were facing front. Raisin Bran, Cheerios and Crunch Berries. The carbs were shocking and to shock a veteran Diabetic is a major event!

Here is one of the reasons why many people do not understand Diabetes. Someone without this chronic death sentence would think 'Oh, choose the Cheerios. You can't eat Crunch Berries if you have Diabetes!' Well, guess what? You, my friend, would be wrong.

First of all, these days with the fancy new invention called the 'Insulin Pump', Diabetics can eat anything. That's right. Anything. I sound like I'm a senior citizen, and I guess it's true. I am a senior Diabetic. These days are much more desirable than the olden days. The days of Tab, peeing on a stick, and noshing on awful pink sugar free cookies just to retain some sort of normalcy. Ugh.

I hate to say it but being a Diabetic today is much better than being a Diabetic back in the 80's...or before. Gasp!

Those Cheerios....20 carbs per serving. The Crunch Berries...22 carbs per serving. I'm thinking for 2 carbs, I'm going for the roof of my mouth injury. On taste alone, Crunch Berries kick Cheerios ass. Plain Cheerios. Not Honey Nut. Not Chocolate. Plain. The Raisin Bran was a nightmare....44 carbs per serving. Damn raisins.

How can it not be confusing? It's confusing for Diabetics! When I first was diagnosed with Diabetes I was told 'NO SUGAR!' Period. The end. To bad so sad you little teenage chocolate lover! I would naturally assume that plain, icky Cheerios would be the way I would have to go. Boring. Blah. Meh. Oddly enough, that's not really the case. A bowl full of colorful, taste bud popping, mouth sand paper berries are not really that different.

So, all you Food Police, remember this....carb content isn't always what it seems.

Diabetes is a little trickster so even when you think you know everything...you don't. Damn you, Diabetes. Damn. You.

Oh....guess which cereal I chose. ;)

*Peace.

Celebrate Our Differences.

2010-07-02T21:28:00.000-07:00

Everyone in the Diabetic Community, and many supporters, know that each type of Diabetes is different than the other. For further explanation, please read my 'Which Type Are You?' blog.

What I have always held true to is my belief that each Type 1 Diabetic is different, too. You can ask my T1T, Shesh. I have had the words 'Not all Diabetics are the same!' come out of my mouth, in every possible emotion, for as long as we have been friends. In fact, I'm surprised she hasn't dumped me because of it! AT least...she hasn't dumped me yet. ;) Haha!

I have been a Diabetic for 63% of my life. That's a long freaking time! I am quite confident in my D-knowledge. But, even with 25 years under my belt, I still don't know everything. How is that possible you say? Because as much as I try to kid myself, my Dr's, my D-community and my friends, my body controls my disease. I do the best I can to help but nothing is ever the same. You try controlling something that is ever changing. Trust me. It's not an easy task.

My body, ultimately, controls my blood sugar. What I eat or drink, how I feel, the mood I'm in, how much exercise I'get, stress, aggravation, my insulin dosage, everything, anything that I do effects my blood sugar. This is true. One would surely assume that 'Well, if everything she does effects her sugar, then she has control.' We pretend we do. We like to believe we do. In reality, we assist with the control process but our body has the final word. The last word, actually.

I can do everything exactly the same every day for a week and my blood sugar numbers would differ each day. What I think works one day may fail drastically the next. Life as a Diabetic is basically a gamble. We each do the best we can with the tools we have. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

I am very steadfast in my D routine. I rarely deviate from it. I wear my pump daily, the doses remain the same, I eat at the same time, the same basic things, get the same amount of exercise, blah de blah de blah. These are the habits of someone who shot up for decades. Even still, I have lows, highs and norms. My Dex looks like a roller coaster because my sugar rises every time I eat, no matter what. Some days it frustrates me, some days not so much.

But, I digress......back on topic.

Differences. Everyone is unique and that goes for Type 1 Diabetics, too. Shesh & I could have the same bg number, take the same amount of insuelawn, eat a cupcake & our numbers would be totally mismatched. Maybe my metabolism was in the fast lane & Shesh's was hanging out on the side of the road. Maybe working out makes my bs high and it makes Shesh's low. Maybe eating pasta could send me into a carb coma and Shesh would be fine. No one has a better idea of our body than ourselves. But, even we get surprised on occasion. :)

It's hard sometimes because you want to share, get/give advice, understand and learn from other Diabetics but you have to remember what works for them may not work for you. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE having the support system. I've said that a million times. The topics are easily shared, the results may not be. It's an essential part of my life success that I have a collection of Diabetics to toss things around to and question without feeling totally redick. I mean, I'd rather have a cure and we could talk about something better but it's nice to have confidantes.

I guess the point of this blog is to say that what I do may or may not work for other Type 1's and vice versa. This doesn't make it wrong, it just makes it different. As we all should be, different. For how boring would this planet be if we were all the same? *yawn*

*Peace.

Law of Averages

2010-05-30T08:19:00.000-07:00

I woke up thinking about A1C today. (Yes, I know, I really need to find where I put my life. Sigh....)

A1C is a number that envelops a Diabetic in chains. It is only a number, sure, just like the rest. But this number has the potential of destroying you. If your number is good, then you can't believe it. You are elated, breath a sigh of relief and then continue to replay the past 3 months and figure out what it was that you were doing right. If your number is bad, then you berate yourself. Tears well up in your eyes and you replay the past 3 months to figure out what it was that you did wrong.

For more reading, read my past posts about A1C here: A1C You in 4 Months and here: It's Just a Number.

My thought this morning was cynical. (No surprise there.) I had read a status on Facebook from 'Dear Diabetes' about things you can do to keep your A1C below 7. Several of the comments were about being frustrated that they can't get their A1C number in the normal range. This drudged up a reoccurring thought that I have always had.

Several Endo's have told me that A1C is an average of your blood sugar numbers over the past 3 months. Ok. Did anyone miss 'average'?? AVERAGE! So, if I have a month full of lows and a month full of highs, of course my average number will be good. Right? Law of averages??

So, how does this number have the right to dictate my control? Why do I get worked up over this number?

I had my A1C checked 2 months ago & my magic number was 6. I went to a different doctor 2 weeks ago and my number was 6.3. I walked out of the office upset because I went up .3. Really? Yes. Really.The A1C result has that much power.

I guess my question amongst all this ranting is why? Why does it matter? I could be the worst diabetic on the planet & my A1C number could be fine. Again, it's only an average.

I feel better than I have ever felt and that, alone, should tell me how I am doing.

Stupid A1C.

Stupid Diabetes.

*Peace.

Simply Be.

2010-05-16T16:51:00.000-07:00

Welcome back to the last segment of Diabetes Blog Week. I made it an entire week with only a slight slip in commitment. I'm actually proud of myself. I'm turning over a new leaf.

Today: Day 7. Topic: Dream a little dream - life after a cure.

'To wrap up Diabetes Blog Week, let’s pretend a cure has been found. We are all given a tiny little pill to swallow and *poof* our pancreases are back in working order. No side effects. No more insulin resistance. No more diabetes. Tell us what your life is now like. Or take us through your first day celebrating life without the Big D. Blog about how you imagine you would feel if you no longer were a Person With Diabetes.'

Wow. If I were no longer a PWD...... This concept is so hard for me to imagine but something that I never lose hope for. Freedom. If I woke up without Diabetes, that's the first thing I would do....mimic William Wallace. I would fall to my knees and scream in my loudest voice:

And then I would cry. I would weep. I would break down. I would cry all the tears I have never released. Tears for the pain, the failures, the anger, the lost moments, the abuse my body endeared, the fear, the hopelessness, the being a victim, the poor me's, the why God's, the worry & stress of my family & friends, the annoyance, the feeling alone, the money I've spent, the unhappiness, the trouble, the everything that this disease has caused me to feel. I would let it all out....and then let it go.

I would pour myself a bowl of Cocoa Puffs and enjoy unemployment because I would be ok. Without Diabetes, I would be ok not having a job. I could do something that I wanted to do. Freelance write. Work in a vintage bookshop. Sell tulips at Pikes Place Market. Anything. Everything. The world would be my non-chronic diseased oyster.

I just asked Amanda what she would do if I woke up tomorrow and didn't have Diabetes. She said 'I would throw you the sickest party ever! There would be tons of Retro Bakery cakes, Cold Stone Ice Cream and everything else you shouldn't eat. Then we'd go swimming and go in the jacuzzi because you wouldn't have to wear your pump.'

Haha! That sounds like a fabu party. :)

If I woke up without Diabetes, I would breathe and simply be.

100% happy.

*Peace.

Photo Blog.

2010-05-15T07:36:00.000-07:00

Welcome back to Diabetes Blog Week.

Today: Day 6. Topic: Diabetes snapshots.

I've got some D related pictures on tap for you today. It's like a little photo album of my escapades...that you aren't really interested in but will look anyway...just to be nice. Kind of like your co-workers vacation pictures.

For those of you that have seen these pictures on the Diabetes 365 Project, sorry. Think of it as looking at your co-workers vacation pictures...again. :)

Filling up Romney's syringe.

Doc B's white board drawings.

Test strip art.

This was free just for being a Diabetic!

I have a lot of junk in my trunk.

Don't test and drive.

Bad bs day.

No wonder my purse is so heavy.

I can't believe it's not butta.

Time to change the Romney.

*Peace.

Round is a Shape.

2010-05-15T06:20:00.000-07:00

Welcome back to Diabetes Blog Week. I totally missed Friday. See? I told you....non-committal.

Yesterday: Day 5. Topic: Let's get moving.

This is the exact reason why I missed yesterday. I am moving. Literally. I have been packing 18 years of Vegas and 7 year of my house. Moving has made me realize I'm a closet hoarder. No, really, my house looks cute, clean & comfy...as long as you don't open the closets.

So, yesterday's challenge was all about exercise. Love it? Hate it? Work out regularly? How do you keep your BS from dropping during workouts?

Bottom line...I hate working out. Loathe. Despise. Abhor. I always look at those people who claim to love working out. Claim it makes them feel better. Claim they can't wait to get to the gym. I don't get those people. I obviously don't have that genetic makeup. I'm obviously missing something. I am SO the opposite of those people. I anti-love the gym. Working out makes me feel like shit. I could wait a lifetime to get to the gym.

I went to the gym 3-4 times a week for a year. I didn't lose weight. I looked & felt exactly the same. I even hired a trainer. You know what going to the gym did for me? It screwed up my knee so now I have constant knee problems. Yea...I was too elliptical for my own good. Worked the outer part of my thighs more than the inner. (ahh...such is my life...) Thus forcing my kneecaps to move. Months of physical therapy didn't help the problem either. Thanks, gym. Thanks, trainer. Working out also made my sugar drop at least 2 out of the 4 times a week. I ate more &/or reduced insuelawn jsut to torture myself with no results. AND it took time away from my daughter, took time away from my life. No, thank you.

I tried jogging with my daughter. I actually enjoyed it for the first few weeks, until my knees gave out. I tried yoga and was bored out of my mind. I bought my daughter & I bikes. I really enjoy bike riding....for the whole month I can ride the bike. Riding bikes isn't fun when it's 120 degrees outside. I tried roller blades. Incoordination fail. I bought a trampoline & hand weights. I use these when the mood strikes me. I bought a recumbent bicycle. It sits in my garage. I bought Wii Fit and play Super Mario Brothers instead. I have more workout DVD's than any one person should ever have. I tried Jillian's 30 Day Shred only to have my thighs turn into tree trunks & gain weight. Yea, yea...'Muscle weighs more than fat.' I don't like hearing that crap.

Have I proved my point yet? Hate working out. You know what I like? Being active outside. Playing softball. Walking the dog, if I had one. Playing frisbee. Hiking. BUT, I live in hell and you have very limited time to do these things.

Maybe that will all change once I move to Washington. Maybe I'll buy a kayak. Or maybe I'll just go back to bed.

*Peace.

Carb-oh-licious!

2010-05-13T06:36:00.000-07:00

Welcome back to Diabetes Blog Week. It's Thursday! Thirsty Thursday, Thoughtful Thursday, Thumbs Up Thursday, Thug Life Thursday. Whatever you call it, enjoy it.

(Did you know that if I look at the word Thursday for too long, it starts to look crazy. Like if I say crayon a lot, it starts to sound weird. Anywaaaaay...moving on.)

Today: Day 4. The topic: To carb or not to carb.

That is the question, isn't it? Today's topic is blog about what we eat, what we don't eat, what we deem bolus worthy, what we snack on and any food wisdom we might have. In other words, what makes me a fatty.

To carb! There, I said it.

I have tried lo-carb, no-carb and that doesn't work for me. First of all, my self is more apt to run low in the blood sugar world. Even though I lower my insulin & bolus less, the risk is too high for me. Second of all, carbs make people happy!! Who doesn't want to be happy? Not me. Bring on the french bread!!

Everything in moderation though. I don't sit down and eat a bagel & schmear, 3 pieces of pizza, mac & cheese, a baked potato, chips, spaghetti, dinner rolls and chocolate cake for dessert. No. Although my arse certainly looks like I do, I don't. But, I do have a bagel once in a while. Yes, I do eat spaghetti & garlic bread once in a while. Yes, I do eat a cupcake once in a while.

I'm sure I have a very controversial opinion on the subject. I have Diabetes. Diabetes doesn't have me. This disease is going to kill me even if I do everything right, every hour of every day. This disease is going to reek havoc on my body no matter how perfectly I follow and play by the rules. This disease may ultimately be the end of me one day but I refuse to allow it to dictate how I live my life. So, why not enjoy? Why deny myself the occasional culinary delight that embodies everything taboo? I don't. I live life to the fullest & I eat what I want. Diabetes be damned.

However, this doesn't mean I go rogue with my care, my life & what I put into my body. I most certainly give Diabetes the respect it demands. I eat healthy portions of veggies, fruits, cheeses and yogurt. I don't eat red meat, I prefer fish, eggs, beans, sometimes chicken or turkey. I rarely eat fast food or anything fried. BUT, I eat carbs and, ya know what? My A1C still runs between 6 & 6.2. My health is the best it's ever been. I feel better than I have felt most of my life and there's got to be something said for that.

Eating healthy & smart most definitely includes carbs. Carbs are not the enemy. We are. Carbs fuel the body and the brain. They invoke a feeling of comfort & happiness. However,they can also make you a fatty & raise your blood sugar so be smart about eating carbs.

That's it really. That's the key. We all know what we should be eating and what we shouldn't be eating. How much we should be eating how much we shouldn't be eating. Just be smart about your food choices. Even if you aren't a Diabetic.

BE smart.

*Peace.

You Are The Champions, My Friends.

2010-05-12T16:12:00.000-07:00

Welcome back to Diabetes Blog Week. It's Happy Hump Day, folks. You're 1/2 way through the week, my employed readers, stay strong!

Today: Day 3. The topic: Your Biggest Supporter.

No, it's not my bra.

Wow. This topic is a hard one for me. So often I feel completely alone with my disease. This is not said in a 'poor me' fashion, so please don't misunderstand. This is said in a 'if you don't have it, you don't know about it' fashion. I have been a Diabetic for 25 long years. Many of the people in my life do not know much, if anything, about my disease. It's not their fault and I certainly don't blame them, it's just as I said. They don't have Diabetes.

This doesn't mean that they don't support me. I know they do. My best friends daughter has Cystic Fibrosis. I know very little about CF but I support my girl through anything, anyplace, anytime, always.

In the end, I think I have a plethora of supporters. I am so very thankful to be surrounded by wonderful people. I truly am blessed. But for this short & sweet post, I will shine the spotlight on a very precious few.

#1. Amanda. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, this child is my biggest supporter. Amanda probably knows me & my disease better than anyone. She started saving my life at a very young age. I have no doubt that I wouldn't be here today if it weren't for her. She knows when my sugar is dropping, sometimes before I do. Once I asked her how she can tell and she said she can see my eyes change. Whoa.

Amanda is a super sweet, kind & timid young lady. A girly girl. She's nice and cares about everyone. BUT she can turn into one hellfire vixen if I need help. Anyone not assisting or is getting in her way had better watch out. She doesn't play.

Amanda is amazing. She hears me moan in the middle of the night & is up to take care of me. Whether she is testing my blood sugar, making me a pb&j or calling 911, she is on task. Then, she will wake up the next morning with a smile on her face & carries on making the world a better place. I know she worries. I know she gets scared. I know I have hurt her. I know this is hard for her. But she is my biggest fan, loves me more than anyone and will continue to support me in every way for all eternity. I always say that the Universe gave me the perfect child for me. Thank you, Amanda, simply for being you.

#2. Bill. I met Bill in 2000. We didn't instantly become friends because I was a snot but he eventually won me over. When Bill found out that I was a Diabetic, he told me that his mom was, too, and a different kind of bond was created. Bill introduced me to his parents, Stan & Rissa, who also became people I could count on. Rissa was the very first person I met who was a Diabetic. This, for me, was huge. She was the first person who I knew understood.

Bill has also saved my life on several occasions. He has taken life threats from me, weepy, sad pathetic tears from me, bum fighting from me, 6 car pile ups from me and 'I don't know where I am' phone calls from me. The best thing about Bill is that when I return to the living, we sit and laugh about the episode that just happened. Thank you, Bill, for being the humor in my disease.

#3. Shesh. Diabetes made Sheshie & I friends, I won't lie. We had met previously once or twice but never really connected. When she found out she had Diabetes, she contacted me and we have been inseparable. I was even a bridesmaid in her wedding last month. Awww!

Shesh & I have the same Endo and Doctor. She is the only friend I have that truly knows and understands what I go through every day. What I have gone through every day for the past 25 years. She gets it. She understands. To have a best friend that 100% gets this awful part of you is an amazing feeling. Priceless.

We call ourselves the T1Ts. The Type 1 Twins. We talk sugar, carbs, insuelawn, pods, feeling bad, feeling good, feeling like fattys. Our friendship is so special for many reasons other than Diabetes but we love to say 'a chronic disease made us friends'. For all the bad this disease has brought & will probably bring, our bond is something wonderful Diabetes created and can never take away. Although I definitely would have preferred her not getting a chronic disease. Psh! Thank you, Shesh, for getting part of me that not everyone gets and still loving me.

#4. The Diabetes Community. I have blogged about them before and how I love them. My Sick of Pricks. You can read D-Blog Day if you haven't already or forgot. I only wish I had this kind of support from the very beginning. When I was laying in a hospital bed, choking down Diet 7-UP, wondering what the hell just happened to my life and how everything went so drastically wrong. But, better late than never. Thank you, DOC, for being the amazing sweet treats that you truly are.

So, in typical Vegas style....because I won't be able to use it much longer....

Thank you, thank you very much.

*Peace.

How Low Can You Go?

2010-05-11T07:08:00.000-07:00

Welcome back to Diabetes Blog Week. Here is my happy Tuesday installment.

Today: Day 2. The topic: Making the low go.

Today's episode asks for my favorite way to treat a low. Lows are super scary to me. Probably the part of my disease that scares me the most. Why? Two words. Diabetic Coma. You've probably heard me say before that I am afraid I'll be alone, my sugar will drop, I won't be able to help myself, slip into a Diabetic Coma and be eaten by wild dogs. Yea...it's like that in my mind.

Anything can happen when my sugar gets low and I never know what that will be. I get shaky & sweaty. I can't formulate a coherent though. I can't think. I talk in half sentences and forget what I was saying. I get irate and lash out. I say things I don't mean, & would never say under normal conditions, because I'm so pissed that I can't control my body. I get silly & pretend I'm Superman. My brain literally stops working. I get overwhelmed & cry. Sometimes I am speechless when I cry because I think I am dying & just want someone to save me. I lose coordination & sometimes can't walk. I think wildly & desperately which makes me do crazy things like drive. I get dizzy. I become unaware. I pass out & won't wake up. I mean, the results run amuck.

Low blood sugar happens quickly and needs to be treated just as quickly. I have tubes of glucose tablets everywhere imaginable simply because I never know when my sugar will drop. Never. For a quick and easy fix, I pop a couple of these babies into my mouth.

Sour apple is my fav. The tropical fruit is my 2nd fav. These are easy to eat while I'm driving, busy, working, hiking, bike riding, at an appointment, anywhere, really. Sometimes I look forward to having a bit of a low just so I can eat one. Nom nom.

My 2nd treatment of choice are also quick & easy. M&M's. I usually just have these around my house. I have a bowl on my computer desk and one in the kitchen. Even though they are like little creepy people, they are still mmmm.

About 240 million people have Diabetes worldwide. While we all have the same diagnosis, the disease is different for each of us. How I treat my low may not work for another Diabetic. Chocolate works super quick for me but I know it doesn't work for others. Diabetes is as individual as the person who has it. The most popular treatment for lows in the D world is juice. When I was diagnosed in the 80's, all anyone ever threw at me was orange juice. I can't stand orange juice. To me, it's like medicine. In fact, I won't touch any kind of juice. I don't like it.

So, there you go. Sour Apple Glucose Tablets & M&M's. But, don't think I won't have a chocolate shake, a cookie, an ice cream, a cupcake, a Hershey bar, a Twix or any other sugary delight in a pinch. :)

*Peace.

Atypical Day.

2010-05-10T21:59:00.000-07:00

Karen over at Bitter Sweet created a Diabetes Blog Week. I'm a week late finding about this awesome event, but, hey...better late than never. Right? Diabetes Blog Week runs from May 10-16 so I'm still within the time frame. Yay! Karen listed 7 days worth of topics, too, for which I am grateful. My current life mess has stunted my blogging creativity. I love not having to think about topics for a week. So, thanks, Karen! I needed this.

Today: Day 1. The topic: A day in the life . . . with diabetes.

I'd love to say my life was extraordinarily different than someone without a chronic disease. But I can't. When someone asks me about how my life is with Diabetes, I simply say 'It's the norm for me. I don't know & can't remember anything different. Shooting up is second nature to me. Just like brushing your teeth is second nature to you. The only difference is I have extra steps to take in order to survive.'

A day in my life is just like anyone else's....plus some.

I spend 24 hours, yes, all 24, jumping at every beep. Craning my neck in the direction of my pump to see if it's me. An elevator. A computer. A phone. A cash register. A song. I must ask Amanda 25 times a day if the beeping is me. 24 times out of 25 it isn't.

I spend 15 hours a day pricking my fingers. Every time I want to eat. Drink. Exercise. Or if I'm just not feeling right. I have no feeling left in my calloused fingertips. I have permanent dots on my fingerprints. I have black speckles on every fingertip. Sometimes I can't get a drop of blood & have to poke several times. Sometimes I don't get enough blood & ruin a test strip. Sometimes I bleed just fine.

I spend every 3rd day being alerted by a loud, obnoxious beep that my pod is going to expire or my reservoir is low. Yep. This beep is me and it's lovely. Especially at 2am or when I'm in the library or when I'm in a meeting or when I'm in the post office or when I'm on a first date.

I spend every 3 days inflicting pain on myself, outside of the finger pricks. (Yes, the finger pricks hurt. Don't kid yourself that I should be used to it. You never get used to it.) I have to have a site change every 3 days and that hurts, too. Some days worse than others. I also, on occasion, inflict pain on myself every 7 days. That's if my Dexcom lasts for the 7 days that it should. Each time I have to find a new place on my body. A place that isn't bruised, hasn't been recently injected, that has enough body fat so it won't hurt as badly and won't be in the way of sleeping, dressing, walking....yes. I've ripped my pump off my arm because I've walked to close to a wall.

I spend several moments every day worrying about my future. Will I need an amputation? Will I need dialysis? Will I ever know my grandchildren? Will I lose my eyesight? Will I have a heart attack? Will I live to be old enough to retire? Will I be alone & have my sugar to drop only to be comatose? Will I be able to take care of myself when I'm older? Will I be able to afford to take care of myself? Will I ever be cured? Will I be responsible for passing this on to my future generations? Will anyone ever understand?

I spend one day every 3 months getting blood work done. Not eating anything even though my medicine and my disease dictates that I eat to cover the insulin. However, I must fast in order to get said blood work. Isn't it ironic? Don't ya think?

I spend one day every 3 months sitting for hours in my Endocrinologists office so I can hear the number of my A1C. The number that, for whatever reason, makes me accuse myself of being a bad diabetic, be proud of myself for being a good diabetic, cry happy tears, angrily berate myself, wonder what I did wrong, wonder what I did right, forcibly claim to beat my score as if I'm in competition with myself, my body. On this day I also hear whether or not my body is winning the war against my immune system. My vessel obviously doesn't understand my 'Make Love, Not War' motto.

I count carbs at every meal, snack and drink. At a restaurant with friends, I'm always the last to start eating. At dinner with Amanda, I'll sit down with her, take a bite, realize I forgot to test & bolus, get up from the table and return a few minutes later. She's already begun to eat. Why should she wait? Why should anyone wait? I'm used to cold food anyway.

I spend every day trying to keep my blood sugars in the normal range. Taking more insulin if I'm high. Sometimes shooting up Symlin, which makes me nauseous but lowers my blood sugar. I also drink tons of water and try to exercise if I'm high. I shove too much food into my mouth if I'm low. I always over correct. Always. My body knows I need food & so it over compensates no matter how badly I try to stop myself. Diabetes is almost like an eating disorder at times. Being low scares the crap out of me because I lose all control. My mind just won't work. Some days, no matter how hard I try or how good I am, I just can't get those sugars right. I also wonder why it doesn't take long for my sugar to skyrocket but it takes FOREVER for it to return to normal. Effing Diabetes.

A spend every day exhausted. I do. On some level I am always tired. I guess that's what sustaining my life does to me. It tires me out. Someone without a chronic disease doesn't have to think about making themselves live 24 hours a day. Some days I wish it would just go away. Some days I wish it were easy. Some days I want someone to take care of me. Some days I just don't care.

Lately, my days have been filled with anxiety, stress, depressions, sadness, worry, panic because I was laid off. I don't have the luxury of sitting around, eating BonBons, watching Opera & collecting my funemployment check. No. I have to get a job. A job that I probably wouldn't choose to take but do because it has benefits and pays well. I don't have the luxury of doing what I want or doing what makes me happy. Being a writer doesn't come with a 5 figure salary & benefits. It's expensive to be a Diabetic. I don't know how I will be one without a good paying job with super medical benefits.

So, a day in my life is just like someone without a chronic disease. I'm a mother, a friend, a daughter, a granddaughter, a neighbor, a cousin, a niece. I try to cheer people up, make someone smile, urge them to laugh, hug them if they are sad, have cawfee chats, serious talks, giggle fests. I'm a teacher, a gardener, a maid, a launderer, a cook, a husband, a wife, a chauffeur, an accountant, a money maker. I am everything everyone else is....daily.

Plus some.

*Peace.

Hate Math. Love Chocolate.

2010-04-28T11:08:00.000-07:00

Sweet in Seattle.

2010-04-19T15:48:00.000-07:00

If you haven't seen all my maniacal rantings on Facebook & Twitter, then you aren't aware that my daughter & I are moving to Seattle in June. To have the idea of doing something & actually doing it are two completely different things. I have been saying I wanted to move to Seattle for a while now. I had big dreams, visions and hopes of a happier, healthier me. It was fun to say & thrilling to dream.

Last week, that dream became a reality and it scares the shit out of me.

I was laid off on Thursday. I thought it was coming, then it didn't, then it did. BAM! Like a surprise slap across the face. Talk about your emotional rollercoaster. Blood sugar rollercoaster, too, I might add. It was such a shock and I'm still, days later, reeling.

The worst fear about being laid off and having a chronic disease is not having benefits. Unemployment pays $325 a week. Diabetic supplies are $3000-$5000 a month. Those numbers just don't cut it. I suck at math and still know I can't swing it. This goes out to all the haters of the new health care reform. To you it's just about money, to me it's about life. Without my medication, there will be no me. True story. So, to not have, or to lose, the ability to have coverage is earth shattering in my world.

The saddest thing about being laid off and moving is leaving Doc B. After all these years as a Diabetic, I finally found the perfect doctor for me and I have to leave him. Booo! At my last appointment, I asked him about Seattle. He said that it was the perfect place to be a Diabetic. That Seattle had some of the greatest doctors in the country and was on the cutting edge of research. This immediately lifted my hopes of a better life.

Hmmm...maybe McDreamy could be my new Endocrinologist....if McDreamy were, in fact, an Endocrinologist. Sigh.

Another sad thing is leaving JDRF Las Vegas Chapter. I have had a JDRF Walk team; 'Insulin: Shaken Not Stirred', for several years. We always do really well in donations and always have a great time. Joyce Conroy is this amazing woman who does so much for JDRF. I'm going to miss having a friend who believes in the same cause I believe in and works for the organization I fight for. I'll miss the walk this year. At least the Vegas Walk. Booo! Hopefully, my team will continue without me. I'll have to make contact with the JDRF Seattle Chapter once I get settled in. Maybe I can start 'Insulin: Shaken Not Stirred Deux'. We shall see.

I think I'm going to call Doc B and ask him to double up on my med prescription so I can stockpile some supplies. It would be great to have a couple month's saved up, just in case. Because I don't know when I will be hired or if I'll have to wait 3 months before eligible for benefits. Where's Obama when you need him?

Worst case scenario, I'll forgo the pump and hop back on the injection train. This is the less desirable thing for my care but it's the most cost effective. I do have tons of syringes in my garage. I must look like a deranged drug addict to anyone driving by. Since being on the pump I have had stellar A1C's. When I was shooting up, my A1C's were crap. I also have to ask Doc B what my old doses were. I have no memory. Sigh. Just another thing to add to my ever increasing 'To Do List'.

What else? I'm just rambling, I know. I can't get my mind calm or organized this week. I'm all over the place like a damn pinball machine. My apologies and thanks for sticking with me. Ok. I'm off to go be unemployed.

*Peace.

DAD's.

2010-04-01T17:36:00.000-07:00

I was tooling around on Twitter the other day while waiting in line at Starbucks. I will be the first to admit that I don’t give Twitter enough of my attention. (Sorry for being a twit, Twitter.) I typically just browse my ‘Sick of Pricks’ list to get updates on all the latest & greatest D-news whenever I’m waiting. I'm always waiting for something, it seems…coffee, traffic light, doctor, pink slips, so this helps pass the time.

Yes, I have a PWD list and yes, I named it ‘Sick of Pricks’. Some things about Diabetes should be fun! Anyway, this list is so important to me. I have lived alone with this disease for most of my life, never really having anyone who completely understood or ‘got’ me and what I was dealing with. The people on this list do and they have become my D-family. I puffy heart them and they are the only reason I stay on Twitter. It’s wonderful to have a community of support and I’m so very grateful.

Anyhoo, while tooling, I ran across a tweet about a Diabetes dog. I’ve heard of these before but never really gave it much thought. I harbor strong opinions about having a dog in the desert and I, personally, just wouldn’t do it. But, with thoughts of relocation swimming in my head, my interest peaked regarding these specially trained service dogs.

Diabetic Alert Dogs, I shall call them DADs, are specifically trained to react to the subtle scent changes in hypoglycemia. Hypo is when the blood sugar drops. Hypo is the scariest of events for me. This typically happens when I’m sleeping, which results in waking up to a room full of paramedics. Now if it were a single, smart & funny paramedic who slightly resembled Johnny Depp and he fell madly in love with me while inserting my IV, then it may have been worth it. But, no such luck. I only end up feeling like crap, totally embarrassed with discarded medical supplies tossed about & blood on my sheets. Having one of these dogs very well could have prevented those delightful morning wake up calls. Thankfully, I have Amanda but she won’t always be there for me and I don’t expect her to. She has to go to college, fall in love, get married, have babies and live her life without having me in the next room playing the role of a Diabetic.

DAD’s detect the change in blood sugar and physically react to notify the Diabetic. A typical medical alert service dog. The dog senses a change and alerts immediately, most of the time before the person even is aware of a change. The entire training process is intense and once you have a dog, it's yours alone. The dog becomes a part of you like no other. So know that this is a big commitment.

Like I implied earlier, being a Diabetic surrounded by non-diabetics can be extremely lonely. It’s also scary to not be in control of your body & to sometimes not be aware of impending danger. One of my biggest fears in life is a Diabetic coma. I’m single so I have doomsayer thoughts of being alone and dropping, never to wake up. Usually my thought ends with being half eaten by wild dogs like Bridget Jones. Amanda hates when I say that but it makes me laugh in the face of danger. Now, maybe instead of being eaten by a dog, one could save my life. Not only would a DAD be a medical relief, it would also provide some companionship. A partner that I could share some of the constant vigil with, that doesn’t judge or blame for any inconsistency, that gives me freedom and a sense of peace.

I will seriously give some more thought to applying for a DAD when I relocate. I have a feeling I will have wondered why I waited so long. I would also research organizations that specialize in service dogs to ensure the level of professionalism and expertise is what you are expecting.

This video is old so the statistics are a little off and he doesn't pronounce Diabetes properly. However, if you'd like to find out more or donate to this organization, please visit Dogs 4 Diabetics

*Peace.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

2010-03-23T08:41:00.000-07:00

Today is the 22nd Annual American Diabetes Association Alert Day. Why is this important to you? Why should you care? You aren’t a diabetic. So, why worry?

This should be important, you should care and should be concerned because Type 2 Diabetes affects nearly 24 million adults and children in the US. Most of them do not even know they have Diabetes. An estimated 5.7 million Americans are at risk. That adds up to one in five, people. 1 in 5. Take a look around you, look at your friends, look at your family, look at your children’s friends, look at your co-workers. One person in every five of those people you know and love are at risk for a chronic disease. Not just any disease, one of the fast growing chronic diseases in America.

Type 2 Diabetes is the most common type. The body cannot produce enough insulin necessary or the body is unable to process the amount of sugar in the body. Complications arise when all that glucose builds up in the blood stream. Complications such as heart disease, neuropathy, glaucoma, skin disorders and infections, high blood pressure, ketoacidosis, kidney disease, and stroke. This is not a pretty list by any means.

Being overweight or obese is the number one reason people develop Type 2. The sad thing is it could have been prevented with a healthy lifestyle. Losing weight, getting some physical exercise and making healthy food choices could help you reduce the risk of developing Type 2 Diabetes by over 50%. Type 2 can be prevented….but it cannot be cured. Once you have Type 2, you are a Diabetic for life.

Do me and yourself a favor. Check your Body Mass Index and see if you should be concerned about your weight. See if you are at risk for Type 2 Diabetes by taking the Risk Test. If you are, then start making the changes you need to live a long, happy and healthy life.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010 is the day to Stop Diabetes.

Please visit the American Diabetes Association and the Juvenille Diabetes Research Foundation and donate. Please help us fight for a cure.

Guess what else today is?

*Free Pastry Day at Starbucks.

*Sophie Day at Tropical Smoothie.

Help us celebrate the 2nd Annual Sophie Day this Tuesday March 23rd at Tropical Smoothie Cafe at Charleston & Town Center location. Free Jetty Jr. for anyone who mentions Sophie's name.

*Ninjabetic's Birthday!

What a fantastic Tuesday!

*Peace.

Rude Email.

2010-03-19T11:27:00.000-07:00

A family member of mine was recently diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. I have been trying to help her cope with life as a person with a chronic disease. One of the things we have been discussing is proper diet.

The following email was received regarding Pepsi's announcement that they are eliminating sugary drinks to schools worldwide. We were talking on Facebook about the terrible effects sugar has on health. How we thought this was a good move and how people should be more concerned with what they put into their bodies.

The beginning of the rant went something like 'I was in a car accident and I thrust my arm up my rectal and pulled my insides out of my asshole. These are things that should be more important than sugar in soda.'

This was the comment left after I stated statistics, such as, 24 million Americans have Diabetes, 5.7 million are at risk which equates to 1 in 5 people. Unfortunately this ludacris comment was deleted so it is not verbatim. My apologies. However, this section is.

'In an age where single parenting has exploded, less and less time had become devoted to parental participation in physical activity with children. Virtual reality has overtaken actual reality as a past time for children as well -- sitting at a computer being preferred to taking a swing at a real baseball. Cultural paradigm shifts have made monumental contributions to the deterioration of children health.

Gov. Patterson proposed taxing soft drinks as a way of improving children health -- an effort at making soft drinks more expensive and therefore children would drink less. Amazingly he showed NY tax revenue from such a tax increasing each year for the next 10 years -- essentially concluding that soft drink sales would rise (the only logical way tax revenue from their sales could rise).

A half-generation ago sugar substitutes were going to cause a cancer epidemic. In the 1970's scientists were warning about the new ice age. And today I've leave Pollyanna tucked into the fiction category where she belongs.

I've grown tired of being played the fool by a government with an insatiable ability to spend our money. Forgive me for being rude about the latest craze of sugar destroying our health and therefore justifying why taxes on it should increase.

Our children are facing an epidemic for reason that reach far beyond oversimplification. And we have a government that is willing to play the oversimplification game in order to sound-bite a justification for picking my pocket. Using children in this latest scam to tax is despicable.

I am a bright man. I am well aware of health issues and their primary causes. I am also well aware of straw men being used to spin truth. I'm tired and weary and jaded -- my trust has been violated too many times. I do my own intellectual heavy lifting and arrive at the places it leads me.

If this cause has a personal touch for you then I apologize for being so insensitive. I wish you well in making a difference.'

I thought I would reach out to my Diabetic community and ask for your thoughts on this person's opinion.

Ladies? Gentlemen? Please, let the games begin.

*Peace.

Entertaining Diabetes

2010-03-16T15:07:00.000-07:00

Maybe Bret is trying to turn over a new leaf. Maybe he wants to go from Diabetes Douche to Diabetes Diva. Maybe.

Our hero, Bret Michaels, is a contestant on Celebrity Apprentice. Oh, lucky masses. The first challenge the celebs were given was to raise money for their chosen charity. I love this because I think celebrities should do more with their money than get botox and plastic surgery. Help people. That’s the right thing to do….and they do. Sometimes.

Bret was the team leader and gave the name ‘Rock Solid’ to his male compadres. Quite the marketing genius since ‘Rock Solid’ is also the name of Bret’s t-shirt line. Anyway, 'Rock Solid' chose to donate to children with Type 1 Diabetes. YAY! Hurrah! It always makes a Diabetic happy to hear one of the organizations that may save her life was given a healthy sum of money.

Trump’s boardroom is generally entertaining. It’s even more entertaining when the team playing for your health wins. ‘Rock Solid’ earned $100,000 that was donated to the American Diabetes Association.

Good on you, Bret. I’ll lay off the insults…until the next time you decide to be a shitty Diabetes mentor.

In other entertainment news, Crystal Bowersox is the latest Diabetic celeb tearing the house down. I am not a regular viewer of American Idol, but when I do tune in, this girl rocks my socks. In fact, she is rock solid. (teehee) Crystal is quirky, raspy, passionate and sings with soul. She is definitely one of my favorites and not just because she shoots up.

Perhaps the reason behind the soul is because she hasn’t been walking on the easy road of life. She comes from a poor family of farmers, was bullied at school, has divorced parents, played music on the streets for money, is a young mother AND has a chronic disease. Holy moly.

Crystal made news by ending up in the hospital a couple of weeks ago for some Diabetes related problems which threw the show for a loop. So glad she was able to kick D’s ass. She returned to take on AI and kick their ass, too. I think that this 24 year old, who was diagnosed with Type 1 in 2005, is going to give the AI contestants a run for their money. I really do. The bubblegum, moldable, pop star is not what is appearing on stage this season. And…I like it. A lot.

Crystal isn’t the only AI contestant with Type 1 Diabetes. You all remember Elliott Yamin, don’t you?

We all know Nick Jonas is the teen face of Type 1 Diabetes so I won’t go into great detail over him. I’m 42 and not interested in having any Jonas Brothers songs weaving in and out of my mind. But, what makes Nick rise above celebs like Bret in the mentor category is that he actually IS a spokesperson for Diabetes. He goes above & beyond teaching, spreading awareness & helping kids deal with Type 1 Diabetes. In fact, all three brothers are advocates of something. Diabetes, Special Olympics and Volunteering. Kudos to you, Jonas Brothers, kudos to you.

Lastly is the Olympic cross country skier, Kris Freeman. He's sporty, strong, AND cute as a button! Finding out he was a Type 1 Diabetic just offered him another challenge that he was determined to beat. However, Diabetes beat him and his sugar crashed during a 30k run at the 2010 Olympics in Vancouver.

Luckily, a German coach came to Freeman’s rescue with a Gatorade and some energy gel that was loaded with sugar. Freeman was able to finish the race. Art imitates life. This disease tries to bring us down daily and we keep fighting the fight.

Kris Freeman was quoted as saying ‘I don’t identify myself as Diabetic, I identify myself as a cross country skier.’ He also said he wanted to show the Diabetes community what was possible.

Like I said...yum.

I think most of us in the Diabetic community do believe that anything is possible. Anything and everything. We are all just waiting. I am pretty sure they feel the same as I do. Tired of entertaining Diabetes.

*Peace.

Diabetes Fun Stuff

2010-03-10T11:10:00.000-08:00

Methinks there should be more Diabetes fun stuff. Diabetes isn’t fun. Diabetics of every age know this is true. I am positive it isn’t fun when you are 5 years old and get the news that you are a Type 1 Diabetic. Poor, poor kids have so many other things on their little minds. Growing up is hard enough! Now they have a chronic disease that they have to live & deal with for the rest of their lives. Oy. I am pretty sure they just want to worry about Santa, bubbles, cartoons and chocolate candy.

If Diabetes can’t always be easy, can it sometimes be fun? Just a little?

Like…the OneTouch UltraMini:

Not only are the colors sassy, you can get one for free.

Or like colorful lancets.

Fun colors are available at Walmart.

Or these Patches, which I love, but can’t use with Omni. Boo.

Or fun Pump Paks that are sure to make a kid smile, in spite of it all.

Oh, and Pump Wear, Inc. is having a Pump Pak contest! Design your fun pak here.

Or clothing that hides the pump. Awesome and cute!

I don’t know. Maybe a bedazzler or Sharpies or stickers could be used to make these tools sparkle. Something, anything, to make this thing hanging off my body pretty. This thing that gets caught on door handles, my pants and my underwear. This thing that makes a bump under my shirt, pants and skirts. This thing that keeps me alive but is such a boring accessory. This thing. This ugly, hospital colored thing.

Most Diabetics are thrilled with the little things that make our daily process a little brighter. Maybe pricking your finger with a green lancet will distract you from the pain. Maybe getting undressed and seeing a bright blue flowered thing attached to your body will make you smile instead of roll your eyes. Maybe, just maybe, more fun things should be implemented into the daily care of a Diabetic.

I mean, what would it hurt, really? I say nothing.

So...where is all the fun stuff?

*Peace.

What Type Are You?

2010-03-01T16:28:00.000-08:00

Ever since the Oprah/Oz fiasco, I’ve been planning a blog describing the different types of Diabetes. I wanted it to be a post that was short, simple, easy to understand, informative and without opinion. All who know me know the last one was very hard to do. Haha!

So, for all of those that emailed me asking the difference and stating that you are ‘Diabetes stupid’, this blog is for you. At the very least, I hope it sheds some light on the fact that while Diabetes is the general name, it’s a chronic illness that has many facets.

Type 1 – The insulin dependent Diabetes. Type 1 is when the body’s immune system attacks the insulin producing cells in the pancreas. This means Type 1 Diabetes is an auto-immune disease. The body doesn’t recognize its own parts and attacks itself. Type 1 is the rarest & most severe form of Diabetes. Without insulin, the patient will die. It's that simple. This Type usually occurs in children & young adults.

Type 1.5 – The late onset Diabetes. Type 1.5 is a slow moving Diabetes and is usually misdiagnosed as Type 2. This Type is considered slow onset because the pancreas still produces some insulin and has not yet reached the Type 1 stage. Typically, at the time of diagnosis, insulin therapy is not yet required. This type usually occurs in adults past the age of 30.

Type 2 – The insulin resistant Diabetes. Type 2 is adult onset where the body is insulin resistant or the pancreas doesn’t make enough insulin to maintain proper blood sugar range. This is the most common form of Diabetes. Usually this Type can be treated by a healthy diet & regular exercise. However, some may take oral medication and some may take insulin. This type occurs in adults who are overweight or elderly.

Type 3 – The Diabetes baby. Type 3 was discovered in 2005. Scientists are still struggling to figure this numerical gem out. What they do know is that Type 3 acts very similar to Alzheimer’s and there are theories that link the two. Type 3 doesn’t affect your blood sugar; it affects your brain sugar. The brain needs insulin to continue making brain cells. Without insulin, the brain basically dies. This type strikes at any age.

Gestational Diabetes – The pregnancy Diabetes. Gestational Diabetes is when the hormones from the placenta block the mother’s insulin from doing its job. Treatment usually consists of diet & exercise in order to keep the blood sugar in the normal range. Sometimes insulin is used to achieve the proper blood sugar levels. Gestational Diabetes usually subsides after the baby is born. This type occurs in pregnant women.

One of the misconceptions is that any Type of Diabetes is reversible. I’m sorry to say that it is not. Type 2’s, who lose weight, eat properly & exercise, may be able to stop taking oral medication or insulin. But, the disease never goes away. It just lies dormant.

As with Gestational, the disease may go away after birth, but you are more likely to see it return if you get pregnant again. It also, in some cases, leads to the discovery of Type 1 or Type 2.

Diabetes has been around for a very long time. Some say the symptom of frequent urination was found written on Egyptian papyrus dating back to 1500 B.C. A Greek physician, Aretaeus of Cappadocia, was the first to give Diabetes its name in 100 A.D. stating that it was ‘the greatest of all sufferings’. So, Diabetes is not the new kid on the block. It has taken over 2000 years to get to where we are today in regards to research, awareness & therapy.

I am certainly not the first, the only, nor will I be the last that has to live every single day with this devastating disease. More’s the pity.

One thing has remained the same, there is not cure for Diabetes. Period. The end.

For more information on Diabetes and to help our fight for a cure, please visit JDRF or ADA.

*Peace.

The Price of Diabetes

2010-02-23T15:35:00.001-08:00

If you have been reading my blog then you know about the medical issues every Diabetic faces. A person with Diabetes of any Type runs the risk of numerous health concerns and none of them are pleasant. Not a one. Nevertheless, the complications are endless and the consequences are inevitable..for many. That’s why I always stress to try and maintain the tightest control possible. Although, I know that sometimes any control is next to impossible. Sigh. Stupid Diabetes. It’s all just part of the dreaded path we were dropped on and forced to follow.

However, medical issues are not the only price a person with Diabetes pays. The cost of Diabetes in the US ranges in the billions. Billions. Imagine what that breaks down per person? Oh. You can’t? Let me help you…on average, a person with Diabetes pays approximately 2.5 times more for their medical expenditures than people without Diabetes. More than double….even with health insurance.

Talk about getting screwed from every angle. Ouch.

If you are brave enough to find out what your estimated costs are, the ADA provides a Cost Calculator. I chose my state, Nevada. Shelley Berkley is my Congresswoman so I chose her district and the estimated cost for Diabetics is…..drumroll, please……$520,900,000! Just so I can live a full life like everyone else. Yay!

Crazy, no?

Before I knew my insurance would pay for One Touch test strips, I would shell out $30 for 25 strips. Keep in mind that I test my blood sugar approximately 10 times per day. This time you can do the math. I loathe math. Bleck. The FreeStyle test strips that go with my insulin pump cost even more. With insurance I get 100 One Touch strips for $25 and 100 FreeStyle for $50. This just an example of what one piece of my daily routine costs me.

Oh, and PS, I’m not really the one to complain to when you say you don’t have any money. Haha! No, seriously, I’m not. Especially when you are married with no kids or no major health problems and you’re moaning to a single mom with a chronic disease. Sorry. You know who you are.

It simply amazes me to think what I could do with that money had I not have the misfortunate DNA that makes me who I am. I know one thing…my Eff It Bucket List would definitely have a lot more items crossed off. Le sigh.

The annual cost of living with and treating Diabetics has doubled over the past 5 years. Simply due to the fact that there are more diagnoses each year and medical supply costs have increased. The price for all diseases, not just Diabetes, is astronomical. I think it’s very important for people to realize just how expensive it has become.

Someone is certainly making a crap load off of the sick & chronically diseased. I guess this supports my idea that if they did find a cure, those ‘Someone’s’ would lose a ton of money. Especially since most Diabetics are on more than one medication. Billions, and estimated soon to be trillions, of dollars are spent treating over 135 million Americans that live with chronic diseases. At least there were 135 million in 2005. So, I can’t help but think money, greed, wealth is the reason I don’t have a cure.

But…that’s just my opinion.

It’s pretty sad when the diagnosis of Diabetes isn’t shocking enough. The cost of having the disease will literally blow your mind…and your budget…and your savings account.

Booo.

*Peace.

I Am Nothing Without Benefits.

2010-02-17T08:48:00.001-08:00

Everyone knows that we are currently faced with the highest rate of unemployment many of us have ever seen. Lucky for me, I live in the state with the 2nd highest unemployment rate in the nation. Nevada is currently at 13.5%. Seems to me that the Silver State is looking a little like aluminum foil lately. Nevada is a state that survives on tourism. There is nothing else here. No tourists means no business. Therefore, the Silver State is certainly feeling the impact of the economy.

So are its citizens.

It seems the ones who have to suffer for lack of budgeting and being fiscally irresponsible are the employees. Ah…such is life. Right? You know the old adage..the rich stay rich...

While the idea of staying home & collecting unemployment may sound delightful for some, it doesn’t for me. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to stay home & get paid! That’d be awesome! While unemployment doesn’t pay much, it does pay. Who wouldn’t like watching Oprah & collecting $200? Oh…wait…not stupid Oprah. I would watch soaps or game shows instead. Or I could write my book. Or be a stay at home mom.

Anyway, the down side is that unemployment is a ‘job’ that doesn’t come with benefits. Benefits are what sustain me. Literally.

I am 95% sure I am getting laid off within the next few months. What scares me more than foreclosure, bankruptcy or mental breakdowns is not having health care. When my office started talking about possible layoffs, I spoke up and said ‘Lower my salary, charge me for benefits, take my vacation, sick days, holiday pay, take what you need to take. Just please do not lay me off. I need health benefits. What means money to you, means life or death to me.’

No one understood. Most healthy people don't understand. More's the pity.

Now I am faced with my worst fear. Being a Type 1 Diabetic without health insurance. What do I do? How do I survive? I have no idea. I have always, always had to obtain jobs with full benefit packages. I didn’t have the luxury of working someplace fun, working part time or going into business for myself. I didn’t have the luxury of taking any job I wanted simply because I wanted. The very first thing I look for when job hunting is ‘full benefit package’. The pay doesn’t even take top standing in my world.

Now, for the first time in my life, I am faced with the fear of not having benefits.

When I try to ask people for some direction, I hear ‘Well, you can get Cobra.’ From what I hear, Cobra is super expensive and will eat up my unemployment check. While it’s wonderful that I can get my pump supplies for less than $3,000 a month, I still have to pay something for them. Just because you have health benefits doesn’t mean you get your medical supplies for free. So, if Cobra takes all of my money, I’ll have nothing left to spend on the medication I’m entitled to buy at a lower rate. Umm…thanks, Cobra? What? It’s absurd. It’s a nonsensical process. What is meant to help me will ultimately hurt me in the end. So….how do I win?

How do people with medical conditions survive when they don’t have benefits?

I work 4 -10 hour shifts, I make decent money, my benefit package is paid for, and I have been outrageously spoiled at a job I do not enjoy. But, I stay because of these things. I stay because of the benefits. I stay because I have a chronic disease that, without health insurance, may not be as well controlled. Not to be dramatic but if I can’t afford insulin, I will eventually slip into a Diabetic coma and I die. That’s the long & short of it. Death.

The way I see it, these are my options:

Find a new job.
Find a new husband with health insurance.
Hit Megabucks.
Find a cure.

STAT!

Oy...those four options are nearly impossible. Nearly because I'll always have hope. Sigh.

Nothing scares me more than not having benefits. Accept maybe a Diabetic coma. Double sigh.

*Peace.

Clink

2010-02-10T15:20:00.000-08:00

My blogs have turned into whiney..not winey….negative paragraphs of sadness. Ugh. I can hardly stand myself!

So, I’ve decided to flip things back to normalcy. Or, as close to normalcy as I can get.

Here’s to some happy stuff! *clink*

• I love *clink*. I do. It makes me smile every time I see it or write it. I stole it. I stole it from Kelly. How could I not? Not only is *clink* amazing, her name is KELLY!! I have it on good authority that all Kelly’s are fabulous. Check K2 out for some happy stuff.

• Today Retro Bakery turns 2! In honor of their birthday, they are giving each person a free cupcake!! FREE CUPCAKES!!! That’s happy love. Not only are the cupcakes the most delish things ever that a Diabetic should never eat, the owners are A-dorable. Plus, they hired my daughter. Everyone should stop by and say hi to Kari, Brian, Abbi & Lucy.

• Romney is in a place that doesn’t hurt. A new place. My stomach is beat to shiz but this is a happy blog so we won’t talk about that. The unchartered territory is on my side. Right at the top of my blueberry muffin top. So….my blueberry muffin top top. It’s not in the way, it doesn’t hurt and my bs has been ok. Happy with my real estate choice.

• I got my wedding chews. I’m a bridesmaid and the wedding is in April. I haven’t talked a lot about it because I want to write a blog about my experience after the nuptials. Anyway, Jennifer, the Nearlywed, said we could choose our chews and to make them sassy! I chose Carlos Santana Blue Leopard! My Diabetic feet are used to wearing heels and they are happy with these.

• Diabetes has Superfoods according to the ADA . ::cue in epic theme music::: Beans! They’re good for your heart! The more you eat…. ;) Dark green veggies, citrus fruit (What?! Yes!), sweet potatoes, berries (Helloooo blueberry muffin top top), tomatoes, fish, whole grains, nuts (I know a few), fat free milk & yogurt!!! Super happy!

• 3 day weekends!! I always have 3 day weekends, don't be jealous This weekend is a 4 day weekend for me! Yay!! Not getting up for work happy. Make that extra day a free day to do something that makes you happy. Something fun. Something you don’t have normally have the time to do. Something feel good. Something stupendous. The options are endless.

• I am Anti-Valentine’s Day but…again…this is happy!! Happy, happy, post! Happy Valentines Day! Since chocolate makes Diabetics bolus, why not send flowers? This is your chance to be thoughtful, make someone happy AND help fight Diabetes. ProFlowers will donate $20 of your order to the American Diabetes Association. Awww. How sweet!

Have a great weekend!

*Peace.

Dia-pressing.

2010-02-03T12:55:00.000-08:00

I have to confess, I have always been a cynic of depression. I could never grasp the notion that making yourself happy just wasn’t a possibility. Wake up and choose to be happy. How difficult is that? I always viewed depression as dramatic way of describing sadness.

'Oh, gawd. I'm so depressed because I gained 5 pounds.'
'I'm depressed because Jim broke up with me.'
'I'm depressed because things aren't going the way I want them to.'

You're not depressed. You're sad, disappointed, hurt, angry. The end. I guess it's because I am typically a happy person. Even when bad things happen, I have the appropriate reaction and go back to enjoying my life. I choose to be happy.

I would not have classified depression as a disease or an illness, perhaps because I have a disease. I would have placed depression more in the 'psychological struggle' category. Not necessarily a character defect but possibly the inability to utilize and deal with overwhelming pain.

I certainly have my opinions about taking medication for depression, too. As someone who has an addictive personality, I see this as a dangerous thing. Also, because I believe depression to be a normal reaction one must go through when dealing with sadness and/or pain.

Everyone gets sad. Everyone hurts. Everyone gets over it.

Well, I have lost my happy. For the first time, in 41 years, I have lost my happy and I am shocked. Shocked! I know exactly when my happiness left. October. I know exactly why my happiness left. There are many reasons. What I am unsure of is how to find it again. Oh, I am happy on the surface. When you see me or talk to me, you will notice nothing out of place. Unless you truly know me....or unless I want you to. I have made several hysterically weeping phone calls lately only to hang up before anyone answers.

I don't like being sad and I don't like people knowing I am sad. Do I view it as weakness? Maybe. Do I view it as helplessness? Possibly.

I knew I was sad but I didn’t know I was depressed until my eyes would swell with tears at every the slightest thing. Right now, for example, or at dinner the other night with the girls. I'm a weeping willow. It's like constant PMS. I am excessively tired, all the time. I have no energy. I don’t want to engage. I want to be left alone. I have a loss of interest in just about everything. I just don’t care. About anything other than Amanda.

And Amanda has noticed that I haven't been happy for months. That kills me.

So, feeling like crap, I went to the ER for some idea of what was wrong with me. I was clueless because being sad is just a foreign concept. I was told I am suffering from fatigue. Well, who isn’t? I’m a single diabetic mother of a teen who works 10 hours a day. And, I am dehydrated. I knew this. I have been drinking significantly less water than normal. I was told these things could be due to stress, depression &/or diabetes. I was offered medication that I denied. I was told to drink more fluids and get extra rest. Wow. Ok. Wait.

Depression? Me? Holy….crap…..I AM! Off to researching I went. Now suddenly having the care to look deeper into depression. People with Diabetes have a greater risk of depression. Huh. I guess it makes sense. When aren’t we stressed about control and complications? If you took everything away from our lives except Diabetes, we would STILL be stressed out. Add on my work struggles, love or lack thereof, being the soul decision maker, having to deal with lunacy from people that should support me, trying to raise a happy, healthy teenager, running a home, missing my family, hating Las Vegas, writing my book, my blog, articles and….holy hell. No wonder I’m depressed and exhausted! How am I even functioning?! ;)

I read that depression affects approximately 23 million Americans. Depression often goes undiagnosed and untreated. That's understandable. I refused any medication until I go see Doc B. He’s the only one I trust with my health in this town. He will know what to do and how to help me. People just have the same thought I did. It's sadness, you'll survive. While I am not ‘clinically depressed’, I have definitely been sad for four months. Quite honestly, I am just sick of it. I currently feel like I want to sleep my life away and that is no bueno.

In the meantime, I have an appointment to see Doc B next month. My checkup will be more like a counseling session, methinks. Then I plan on taking more time for myself and not feel like I have to make the entire world happy. I need to remove toxic people from my life. Start progressing towards my future plans instead of just dreaming about them. It’s getting to be nice so I will start hiking again. Doing something I love has got to help. Disneyland, maybe? That's the happiest place on Earth, for gawds sake!!

I want my happy back and would do just about anything to find it. So, if you see it, please return to me ASAP. Thanks, dolls.

For more information on Diabetes and Depression, please click me.

*Peace

Diabulimia

2010-01-25T15:16:00.000-08:00

I have been a Diabetic for 25 years. 25 long ass years. 25 years of injecting biosynthetic human insulin in order to survive. Admittedly, I was not Diabetic role model material for most of those 25 years. My A1C’s would fluctuate anywhere from 7-10. My blood sugars were never steady. I have had more near death experiences than any person should ever have. But…I was thin. I was 5’8”, 130 pounds for most of my life.

Until I became a pumper.

I have gained 30 pounds since being a pumper. I complain to Doc B at every visit about my being a fatty and I’ve written his response several times….’A chubby Diabetic is a healthy Diabetic.’ Yes, well, this is true. My A1C is better than ever and I feel great. But I’m still 30 pounds out of my comfort zone.

I am pretty sure I am not overweight. But, this is about what feels good to me and what I feel comfortable weighing. Some people say I don’t look overweight. Those people do not see me naked. Some people say I should diet. I have been dieting for over 1/2 of my life. Seriously. I don’t sit down with a bag of chips, a box of cookies, a quart of ice cream and eat until it’s gone. I have always eaten small healthy portions to coincide with my disease. While the pump has given me access to eat foods I never would have before, I do not over indulge.

Over the past few years I joined a gym, hired a trainer, bought a bike, started running, and worked out daily with zero weight loss. The only thing I lost was money and time. Oh, and I injured my knee. Yay. As a matter of fact, since starting Jillian’s 30 Day Shred 2 weeks ago, I have gained weight. No, do NOT tell me muscle weighs more than fat. I know this is true but it still doesn’t help me to feel better about myself. Rawr.

So, I have a wedding in April, summer is coming, I want to look good and I want to feel good. These things have caused me to consider sabotaging my Diabetes. While doing research on restricting insulin intake, I ran across a disorder called Diabulimia.

Diabulimia is a term that is rarely heard outside of the Diabetic community. It’s rarely a term that is heard inside the Diabetic community. It’s taboo….and rightly so. Diabulimia is a disorder similar to bulimia & anorexia. It involves Type 1 Diabetics taking less insulin than they need or cutting it out completely. Insulin causes weight gain in many. Not having insulin puts the body into a state where it breaks down muscle & fat. The body is unable to process the sugar that is consumed resulting in it being secreted from the body instead of stored. Thus, extreme weight loss occurs. This is why at 16, I was 5’8” and weighed 90 pounds.

While weight loss is a good thing, lack of insulin in a Diabetic can create issues that are risky and dangerous. I remember how I felt at 16; the year before I found out I had Diabetes and it was not good. In fact, it was so horrible that I still remember and always will. For example, short term symptoms would be constant urination and thirst, extreme hunger, weakness, exhaustion, memory loss, mood swings, dangerous high blood sugar levels. Oh, and death. Long term symptoms would be severe kidney damage, blindness, neuropathy, possible amputation, heart problems. Oh, and death.

Diabulimia most commonly affects adolescents and young women. This behavior is reported by 2% of pre-teen girls, 11-15% of girls in the mid-teen years, and 30-39% of those in the late teenage and early adult years. For more information, check out Diabetes Spectrum. Parents of young girls with Type 1 Diabetes should put a lot of focus on self image. I wish I had been taught that appearances do not matter. Beauty fades yet personality, heart and character linger forever. Why we aren't we taught to love ourselves exactly as we are, I'll never know.

Even so, I have to admit, that this quick and easy weight loss is seductive. The disorder is not seductive because I think that goes to a dangerous level that requires therapy. The seductive part is the idea of manipulating my insulin for a short period of time in order to drop 20 pounds.

Do I dare?

Probably not because it’s taken me a long time to get to the point where I am proud of myself. Proud of the way I am treating and handling my disease. I want to live to see my daughter graduate college, get married, and have children. I also want to have all of my appendages when I do so. But still….the thought…and temptation remains.

*Peace.

Diabetes & Stress.

2010-01-20T17:06:00.001-08:00

I stress myself out. I do. I am not a drama queen but I sometimes resemble one, especially when I’m stressed out. Stress is an interesting thing and it does interesting things to my body. Namely, screw with my Diabetes. Stress alters my blood sugar. Life in general alters my blood sugar but stress is what I’m blogging about.

It’s so bizarre because sometimes stress will send my bs through the roof. Other times stress will cause me to bottom out. The sad part is…I never know which result to expect. Another sad part is that Diabetes lives in each of us differently. What may make my bs skyrocket, may make another Diabetic plummet. None of us are the same. What works for me may not work for your cousin who has Diabetes. What doesn’t work for me may work for your co-worker who has Diabetes. We just never know.

Truth is, I have an invisible, chronic illness that is based on guessing. Trial & error. I guess on carbs, on my mood, on how my body will react to exercise, on bs corrections, on life. This alone causes major stress, at least for me.

Stress has a huge impact on people with Diabetes. Then again, stress has a huge impact on people. Period. Stress is a normal response to things that upset or unbalance you. It’s your body’s way of protecting you, in a sense. Your body releases adrenaline in response to a situation and that effects you physically. Ie: increased heart rate. Stress is no bueno, yet, we deal with life’s little stresses on a daily basis.

So, I guess this is a PSA to all.

Stress isn’t necessarily always a bad thing. It’s gotten a bad rap, that’s for sure. But, when your body is stressed, you become more alert, respond faster, and concentrate more. Like when some jerk slams on his brakes in front of you, your quick response is due to the stress causing your body to throw out hormones. React!! Now!! This is a good thing. But…..your body also releases glucose, which, for Diabetics, is a bad thing. Stress doesn't know if you have a disease. It just tells your body to work overtime to help you deal.

Excess stress can manifest itself into physical issues, behavioral or emotional issues. Normal stress can affect your sleep, mood, focus and your health. All of these things can screw with your Diabetes and your health. But.....stress is a way of life. (Sigh.) So, what can you do? Well, there are a lot of tips for reducing stress. Basically, they all revolve around relaxing. Relaxing? Who the hell knows how to relax? Yikes.

Some suggestions are to take yoga, meditate, get a massage, eliminate caffeine..yea, right! Eliminating caffeine would cause more stress for me! (Addict.) Try to remove yourself from the stressful situation, if at all possible. Do something you enjoy like hiking or reading a book. Go see a therapist, if necessary, or make a lunch date with a friend. It’s always a plus to talk, vent & let someone else share in your worries.

We, as a society, barely notice how stressed we are until it becomes a little too much. Try not to let it get that far. Easier said than done, yea? Also, keep your sugars in check when you find yourself in a stressful situation. This may mean checking your bs 20 times that day rather than 10. Better safe than sorry. Stress & Diabetes are partners. Unfortunately. Stupid Diabetes. If this disease doesn’t stress you out, life certainly will.

Most of all, learn how to cope. Everyone has a different coping style. Find out what yours is. You’ll be a healthier person for it.

*Peace.

Bad Luck Schleprock

2010-01-12T16:45:00.000-08:00

I am Bad Luck Schleprock. Remember that dude from The Flintstones? He started showing up around the time The Flintstones jumped the shark. Schleprock & Gazoo. Yep. Even cartoons can jump the shark. Anywho, Schlep was plagued with bad luck. The thing with bad luck & me is that I’m pretty used to it. I must be the worst Irish woman ever in regards to luck. But, instead of getting all worked up over it, I typically seek out the humor and laugh. My life works better that way.

My latest black cloud started with a cold.

Everyone was walking around sick at work on New Year’s Eve. I knew the moment I heard the hacking & snuffling that I would be the next victim. Stupid diabetes robbed me of my immune system so I catch the funk fast. Sure enough, my head filled with snot and I was down for the count. My head is still stuffed and it’s been 2 weeks. I’m not ‘sick’ per say, I just have a head cold.

I decided that I would put Dex on so I didn’t have to keep checking my blood. That would take one thing off my snot filled plate. The Dex insertion was easy, and the set up process began. A couple hours later I told Dex what my bs was and d-life was running smoothly…until about an hour later.

Dex beeped. Sigh. I looked at the screen expecting to see ‘HIGH’ but instead saw 3 question marks & and a picture of X through the sensor. This was something new and I didn’t really give it much thought. I couldn't get it to register and needed to restart Dex. I told the transmitter I had a new sensor and went through the whole process again.

Those who have a Dex know the process takes a while. At least an hour, though I’ve never timed it. After several attempts, I chalked it up as a loss and removed the sensor. The next day I inserted a new sensor and the same thing happened. Two days of poking myself with two failed sensors and I called Dex. The rep took the info she needed, shipped out two new sensors for me and said that there was no way all four in the box could be messed up. Great. Ok. I inserted a third. Now Dex isn’t the best feeling being shoved into my skin and it’s definitely not my favorite thing to do. But, it's a way of life and I poked myself yet again....to have the same thing happen. Finally, I opened a new box and inserted a brand new sensor. This one worked…for about 8 hours…and then, yep, you guessed it. BAM! Same thing.

Fail.

Throughout all of the Dex drama, I needed to change my pump. I woke up to the constant shrill of Omni expiring. So, I went through that process, hooked a new Cyborg module up & was ready to go. I was at work sitting at my desk when I heard Omni shriek ‘Occlusion!!’ Ugh. Really?

Fail.

I keep an extra pod on me and one at work for such instances. Again, I went through the set up process…everything is a process with Diabetes! Usually when my pod is full of insulin, it gives me an ‘AOK’ beep. This time it beeped constantly. The PDM code said ‘Communication Error’ and that was the end of pod #1. Again, I didn’t give it much thought and grabbed my 2nd pod. I filled this one up with insulin and heard nothing. The PDM beeped again and yelled ‘Communication Error! Move closer blah de blah.’ I laid the PDM on top of the pod and nothing. Now I was screwed. I was out of pods.

I called Omni and was told that the signal was being skewed from sitting too close to electronic devices. ie: Computer/phones. I had to laugh and say ‘Well, I don’t live in a cave.’ There are electronic waves everywhere! Sigh. So, I stayed at work podless for about ½ the day. I reverted back to my old skool ways of shooting up. Apparently Cyborg Kelly doesn’t like shooting up, either that or my pen expired because my bs reached drastic heights and I had to go home.

So, I just sent my final email to my rep at Dex saying that it has to be me because I'm a Schleprock. My rep & I are friends now, by the way.

Every module I have inserted over the past 10 days has failed miserably. I guess Diabetes didn’t read the New Years resolutions that I wrote for it. Or, it just didn’t pay attention.

Luckily for me, it makes a great story that I can laugh about.

*Peace.

Diabetes 365

2010-01-05T16:02:00.000-08:00

I rang in the New Year by being sick. Not the way I wanted to start a new decade, but life punches…and I roll with it. When I finally got the energy to log on to Twitter, I saw that most of my d-friends were talking about ‘d365’. Being the curious kitten that I am, I had to dig deeper.

Cherise at Diabetes Daily clued me in on what the buzz was all about..and it was exciting!

Diabetes 365 is a group on Flickr. It’s a 365 day project that gives you a glimpse into daily life with Diabetes. The basic idea is to post a Diabetes related picture each day for an entire year. Making an invisible disease visible. But, maybe it’s just a glimpse into someone’s life for all of us stalkers. Haha!

I don’t think my daily life is very different from everyone else. I mean, we all cry, smile, laugh, love, hurt, live, die…you get the idea. I just have to do a little bit more to survive. I mean, I don’t know what it feels like to wake up, pee, brush your teeth, take a shower, pour some cawfee, get ready for work and leave. My wake up routine has a few additional steps. Wake up, pee, test my blood, bolus or snack, brush teeth, take a shower, pour some cawfee, test blood, bolus, get ready for work, test blood, leave if bs is ok, eat if it’s not. Some days include going through the pod removal process followed by the insertion process, some days don’t. Some days include waking up to paramedics, some days don’t. My life is oddly the same yet wildly different day after day. Pretty much just like everyone else’s.

Only it’s not like everyone else’s….and that sorta sucks.

Diabetes 365 brings some fun into the insulin mix. It helps to visually connect with other’s walking down the same path you are. It’s a common bond we have. It makes us laugh, it makes us cry, it makes us frustrated, it makes us confused, it makes us wonder, it makes us scared, it makes living with a chronic disease a little easier and who doesn’t want that?

Check it out and, PWD, if you aren’t on board, come on! This is one band wagon I will advocate hopping on. Here’s to a fabu year in pictures.

*Peace!

Hello, 2010

2009-12-31T09:32:00.000-08:00

There is a poem entitled ‘What Cancer Can’t Do’. I bought a gift with this poem inscribed on it and gave it to my friend who is a Breast Cancer Survivor. While I was sitting here thinking about the past decade, the past year, the upcoming year and what role Diabetes has played & will play in each, I remembered this poem.

Only....I changed it.

Diabetes is so limited....
It cannot cripple love.
It cannot shatter hope.
It cannot corrode faith.
It cannot eat away peace.
It cannot destroy confidence.
It cannot kill friendship.
It cannot shut out memories.
It cannot silence courage.
It cannot reduce eternal life.
It cannot quench the spirit.

What a wonderful way to end a year and a decade, with hope, resolve and determination.

I would like Diabetes to say hello to 2010 and strive to play fair in a game that I am tired of playing. I think Diabetes needs to make some resolutions and, because I’m such a good host, I will help it.

Dear Kelly:

*I will not bruise your body with the tools you need to keep you alive. I will let every insertion go well, be pain free and unnoticeable.

*I will back off of your thyroid, heart, liver, nerves, eyes, kidneys, feet, skin, every tissue and every organ in your body.

*I will not make you sad, angry, depressed, anxious, tired, confused, hopeless, stressed or suicidal.

*I will help to keep you in control. Of your blood sugars, of your emotions, of your health. No unexplained highs or unprepared lows. No mind boggling reactions, no slip into coma territory, no losing control of yourself.

*I will help your fingertips regain their feeling, stop being constantly sore, and will give you enough blood without having to prick several times.

*I will let you have your immune system back. So that when people walk around you coughing, wheezing and hacking from a cold, you don’t immediately get the flu and take 6 weeks to heal.

*I will let you have your body back. I know your body is exhausted & beat up from its every day battle; I will give you a reprieve.

*I will let you live as long and as normal as everyone else. I will not cause you to worry about your life, or the quality of your life, on a daily basis.

*While I can’t control people and their curious stares, their finger pointing, their judgments, their uninformed attacks, I will help you fight to prove them wrong. I will help you be healthy so that you can continue to be a warrior for invisible chronic illnesses.

*I will try to miraculously disappear just as I appeared. No warning, no signs, no history, no reason, no goodbyes, nothing. I will just leave.

Love, Diabetes

Eh, I can always hope, right?

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Happy New Year, everyone. Hope 2010 is a sheer delight!

*Peace.

Bye, Brittany.

2009-12-23T17:32:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I heard about Brittany Murphy’s death while at Disney. I’m not usually someone who gets terribly upset over the death of people I don’t know. Is it sad? Yes. Will I carry on and make a big production out of it? No.

However, when I returned home, I couldn’t help but notice all the speculation about how a 32 year old actress could die from cardiac arrest. Of course, my first thought was drug overdose. I’m sure everyone had the same first thought. After all, it is Hollywood. Then I saw a headline that mentioned Diabetes so I had to delve deeper.

While this article does state that we won’t know the cause of death until an autopsy is done, the speculations are outstanding. This one caught my eye. Apparently her mother is a Type 1 Diabetic. Her mother claims that Brittany was a Type 2 Diabetic. In depth medical documentation was not provided. However, she was taking a ton of prescription meds, some of which was used to treat Type 2 Diabetes.

While it is true that Type 2 Diabetics are at a higher risk than most for heart attacks or strokes, this is a disease that can be controlled with diet, exercise and, yes, medication. I honestly find it hard to believe that Type 2 Diabetes was enough to cause a 32 year old to have a heart attack and die.

Also, Murphy doesn’t follow the typical Type 2 pattern. The main reason is that she wasn’t obese. So, maybe, just maybe, she was a Type 1 or Type 1.5. LADA is becoming more and more prevalent in our society for whatever reason. If anything, she looked like a Type 1 because she was super thin. I am 5’8” and weighed 95 pounds when I found out. Everyone thought I was anorexic, too. I wasn’t. I was an undiagnosed Diabetic. Maybe, just maybe, this poor girl was misdiagnosed, pumped up with unnecessary medication and her poor body just couldn’t handle it. Wouldn’t that be a terrible waste?
I think it is terrible that such a young and beautiful woman passed away. I also think it’s terrible when people don’t question authority, Ph.D or not. You have the right to question, to know what you are taking, to know the side effects, to know from A to Z your diagnosis and what it means. It’s your health. I think this should be cause for everyone to question. Yes, they are doctors but, more so, they are human. If you get answers to your questions, still go home and do your research. Get a second opinion. Getting a correct diagnosis is essential for everyone. If you feel your diagnosis isn’t right, question it. It’s ok. You’re allowed. Doctors work for you. Remember that.

Like I said before, this woman didn’t fall into the common categories of someone with Type 2 Diabetes. Just because your parent is a Type 1 doesn’t mean that you would be a Type 2. Just because your parent is a Type 1 doesn’t mean anything at all. In fact, Amanda’s test results for antibodies came back negative. Take that diabetes!! HA!

But….Diabetes can attack everyone, even celebrities. Here are some other celebs with Diabetes:

Nick Jonas
Elliott Yamin
Vanessa Williams
Jackie Robinson
Anne Rice
George Lucas
Bret Stupid Michaels
Mikhail Gorbachev
Johnny Cash
Evel Knievel
Elvis
Sharon Stone
Tommy Lee
Kendall Simmons

This disease doesn’t play favorites. Anyone can get Diabetes. Anyone. Any type. The key is to educate yourself.

RIP Brittany Murphy.

*Peace.

Don't Drink Yourself Fat!

2009-12-15T12:15:00.000-08:00

This is so gross & disgusting that I had to share! hahaha! I'm soooo glad I don't drink soda. Gag....

*Peace.

Ink'd

2009-12-14T16:37:00.000-08:00

I came across this article on MSNBC as I was researching & designing my next tattoo. I am so excited for this to happen. I think it’s fantastic!! Not only would my fingertips go back to loving me…I could get a mood ring like tattoo! Double YAY whammy!

Rumor has it that Diabetics should not get tattoos. I think this is an outdated idea. Education and knowledge about this disease has far surpassed peeing on a stick for your bs level and avoiding all types of sugar because it was the devil. I think Diabetics can get tattoos….just like they can eat that donut. As long as we follow the rules.

Diabetics have a difficult time healing so any invasion to our skin could cause concern. We are more susceptible to infections, we take longer to heal and have issues with blood flow. So, tattooing your feet may not be the best option. As a Diabetic who has two tattoos, I highly recommend having your A1C in an exceptional level before considering ink. Mine is a 6, so I’m ready. I would never consider a tattoo if my A1C was over an 8. Just out of fear alone.

My unprofessional suggestions would be to find a reputable tattoo artist. One that you are confident in not only their skill, artistry & reputation, but also in their cleanliness. I would also let the artist know that you are a diabetic. You can get the same beautiful result without the artist going as deep as he would on someone without diabetes. I would also discuss your desire to get ink'd with your Endocrinologist. Lastly, follow the after care instructions to a ‘T’ even though they are a pain. Personally, I also avoid my regular insertion sites. For example, I’m not going to tattoo my muffin top and then have no place to put my OmniPod.

Shhhh.....here is a secret. I have never worn a medical alert bracelet. I haven’t. I know. I’m a bad diabetic. Tsk tsk. But, I’m sorry, I think they are horrible. I have had ‘I’m a Type 1’ key chains and a card in my wallet but that’s as far as I can go. I just can’t get myself to purchase a medical alert bracelet. I know it could have saved my life faster & easier on many occasions but I took the risk. I’m a risk taker. Shame, shame, I know your name.

Because of that, one of the tattoos I am considering is a medical tattoo. My only hold back is my hope for a cure. I only play a pessimist for humors sake. I’m actually an eternal optimist who never loses her hope. I would hate to get ‘Hi, I’m a Type 1 Diabetic’ tattooed on my wrist and then be cured. I suppose it would be ok seeing how being a Type 1 is what I have been for over ½ my life. Being a Type 1 is part of who I am and part of how I came to be who I am. But….I still can’t kick that hope. I guess I could always go back and get ‘CURED’ inked underneath it. Or get that ‘no sign’ put over it. Haha!

However, as I researched, I noticed that getting a medical tattoo seems to be the wave of the future. Maybe I will have to start working on a new design.

By the way, TuDiabetes has a group if you are interested in checking out other Inked Diabetics.

*Peace.

On the Verge of Vomit.

2009-12-08T12:04:00.000-08:00

Obviously too sick or tired to finish a thought, to edit, concentrate, push Finnegan off the desk, make sense or look pretty. Sorry.

*Peace.

Trials and Tribulations

2009-12-02T13:33:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago, I had my daughter, Amanda, screened for Diabetes at the JDRF Walk to Cure event. I have her screened once a year and have since birth. I would rather be safe than sorry.

(Courtesy of JDRF Las Vegas)

TrialNet is a network of researchers who are trying to find ways to prevent, delay and reverse Type 1 Diabetes. They conduct clinical trials worldwide for newly diagnosed T1’s and relatives of T1’s. TrialNet states in their brochure that ‘relatives of people with Type 1 Diabetes have a 10 to15 times greater risk for developing the disease than people with no family history’. I beg to differ. My family had no history of diabetes…until now. Until me. Yay, me. The modern day Schleprock.

The guilt that my crappy antibodies have given me is overwhelming. It goes way past eating a cupcake or squeezing my toes into those heels. This guilt is different, this guilt isn’t about me. This guilt is about what I have done to others. This guilt feels like someone is continuously punching me in the baby maker and it steals my breath away. This guilt is the knowledge that I, now and forever, will be the responsible one for passing down crappy genes to future generations of my family. Fantastic.

Amanda was a champion as she sat there and let them take her blood. She always is. She has known for her entire life that this is a reality for her. That this is a reality for me. That this could possibly be a reality for our future family. So, she sucks it up and watches the needle go in. She always looks at me with misty eyes while this is happening as if she is looking for me to save her. I always whisper ‘It’s ok.’ wishing with my entire being that I could. It’s a very strange feeling to have your heart swell with immense love while simultaneously being punched in the gut. But, I put on a brave face for her because I am positive and I have hope. Mostly, because I REFUSE to let Diabetes have my family. I refuse and will fight until the day I die to ensure that they don’t. ::rawr:: Mama bear's getting feisty.

Anyway, this screening test will see if she has the antibodies that are associated with developing Diabetes. And, yes, I like Diabetes to be capitalized. Anyway, if her results come back negative, she is free & clear for another year. :::hoping frantically::: For 15 years, she has had negative results. The wait time from testing to results is rough but we always celebrate when we finally know. You get a letter if negative & a phone call if positive. The walk was almost a month ago so I’m thinking we’ll get a letter.

However, if the results are positive…an entire new list of worries begins. Phase 2 of the trial study. Phase 2 includes more testing and determines the risk of developing Diabetes over the next 5 years. Then Phase 3 is simply following up and monitoring because there is no longer a question of ‘if’, only a question of ‘when’. This stage is also where you may be asked to take part in clinical trials should any be available. I would have to think long and hard about allowing her to participate in a study. I know this is the way to a cure, a way to control Diabetes before it controls her, and a way for possible and hopeful prevention. Yet, it is still a clinical trial. Realistically, it is an experiment. There is nothing to base my decision on other than hope. But, chances are that I would have her participate, if she wanted to. Simply because the hope of a positive thing totally outweighs the fear of a negative thing.

I strongly urge Diabetic parents to have their children screened for the accursed antibodies. Although nothing in this testing is 100%. It's very possible that if you have the antibodies, there is a chance you may not get Diabetes. If you don’t, it doesn’t mean you never will get Diabetes. It’s not conclusive but the results will give you an opportunity to take a path that you may not have seen. Like I said, better safe than sorry.

*Peace.

It's Just a Number

2009-11-24T12:15:00.001-08:00

For someone who despises math, my life certainly does revolve around numbers. A diabetic lives by numbers. What’s your bs? What’s your A1C? What’s your bp? What’s your bolus? What’s your basal? What’s the carb content? What’s Type are you? Numbers! Numbers! Numbers! Argh!! I am not a ‘paint by numbers’. No no, I am a ‘live by numbers’.

One of the yucky things someone can say to me is ‘It’s just a number.’ No matter what in my life they are referring to, ‘it’s just a number’ doesn’t begin to describe the impact it has on me. To me, it’s not just a number. To me, it’s the declaration of coma or ketoacidosis, lucidity or confusion, bad behavior or good behavior and ultimately life or death. Trust me when I say I wish the numbers didn’t matter, but they do.

I went to see Doc B. last week for my 3 month check up. Yes, yes. I have to get blood work drawn, I get to pee in a jug..yay...and I get my behavior judged every 3 months. However, this time I was more nervous than usual. I switched to a new pump and my numbers were skewed for a while. I was stressed over work issues, home issues, love issues, family issues, friend issues…life issues. In fact, my stress has been at an all time high recently and I was certain my numbers were not going to be good. Certain and scared and feeling guilty.

The nurse came in and took my blood to check my A1C. I told her I was worried because I thought it went up. She said we will know in a minute. So, I waited. Nervous boredom doomsayer waiting. I do this to myself, I know. I immediately go into doomsayer mode & think a plethora of bad things. I don’t know why because I love the rainbows & sunshine mode so much better. I guess that’s just what my fear does to me.

Anyway, Doc B. came in and I immediately smiled. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, he is the best thing that has come from my diabetes. He made his jovial greetings and flipped through my blood work. He turned to look at me and said ‘How long have you had diabetes?’ I replied ’Almost 25 years.’ He shook his head, turned back around and kept flipping through my file. Being the said doomsayer worry wart, I sat there with my mouth ajar waiting to hear the worst. I mumbled ‘What’s my A1C?’ He turned to look at me again and said ‘6. Kelly, you are an inspiration. You have had this disease for 25 years and everything is perfect. I hope you don’t mind but I am going to use you as an example to all my other patients. Your A1C is perfect, your thyroid is perfect, bp perfect, kidneys perfect, liver perfect…everything…perfect. You are doing amazing and, like I said, you are an inspiration. There is really nothing for me to say to you except keep doing exactly what you are doing. You give me hope for all my Type 1 patients. See you in 3 months.’

I sat there for a minute stunned. Literally stunned. I walked out of his office and burst into tears. I got in my car and cried in sheer and total relief. I am always busy feeling afraid of what this disease will ultimately do to me, feeling guilty over the things I do, being unsure of what my body will throw at me, that I never take the time to think everything will be ok. It’s not that I am negative about this disease, I am not. I am one of those people who believes in a cure. Who believes I will beat this disease. Who believes that nothing, especially diabetes, will ever take me down. Who believes in hope & the power of mind over matter. I am the person who believes that I am bigger, stronger and braver than this one chronic disease will ever, ever be.

But, the reality of this disease does cause me to worry about my future. Quite often. But, the reality of this disease cannot, and never will, steal away my spirit or the words Doc B said to me. The words and the number that made my heart sigh.

On that day, I didn’t worry. On that day, one little number, one single digit, made me laugh a little louder, hug a little longer, breathe a little easier and put my fear away. Gawd, I wish I could do that every day.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

*Peace.

Test Strip Sightings

2009-11-18T14:03:00.000-08:00

All diabetics test their blood sugar levels, or ‘BS’, as I like to call it. I also like to call it ‘Mashugana’. My friend, Elisa, made that up for me and it makes me feel all sassy when I say it.

I typically check my BS 10 times a day or more. I have to know what my BS is before I eat or drink anything other than water. This is the only way I know how to gauge how much insulin I need. So, I check before meal time. I check after meal time. I also check before I go to bed and when I wake up. I'll check it if I'm feeling a little 'off'. Stressed, really tired, thirsty, bitchy. Testing BS is what we do more than anything. It's essential if you want to achieve or maintain good control.

Needless to say, my fingerprints have permanent holes in them. They are slightly numb from being pricked repeatedly for 25 years. I can squeeze my fingertips on any given day and usually get blood to show. Sometimes I will prick, squeeze and 3 blood spots will appear.

Considering all the testing that's being done, I find test strips everywhere. I spent the last couple of weeks taking photos whenever I found a random test strip. I am fairly certain there are many more that I haven't run across yet. I'm not sure how they manage to end up in the craziest places, but they do. Hopefully, when I meet the man who rock my world, he won't mind the random test strip sightings.

~My work computer.

~My desk drawer.

~My car cup holder.

~My supply bag...of course.

~My closet, next to my scale & my bridesmaid dress! What??

What truly pisses me off about testing my BS is not the pain I purposely inflict on myself, no. It's when I get the dreaded Er. Er happens when you dont get enough blood on the strip. Grr...Errr....not only do you have to prick again to get more blood, but you've wasted a strip. These strips are not cheap by any means. I spent the better part of my diabetic life paying full price for strips. One Touch, the meter I use, charges about $55 for 50 test strips. I told you I test about 10 times a day. Do the math. Thankfully, the insurance I have now covers test strips. I get 400 test strips for $25. What a financial relief. If I had a dollar for every dollar diabetes took from me.......I'd be rich. :)

~Grrrr....Errrrr.

For the record, a normal BS range would be between 80 & 120. Personally, I start to feel like crap once it goes below 100. I get nervous, I start to worry, I feel a little shaky, a little weak and I know I have to eat. Soon. If I start to get about 180, I get cotton mouth and sleepy. It's a vicious cycle.

Like I said....testing BS is what we do. We are so aware of it that we post our BS on Twitter. #bgnow usually happens on Wednesdays. Some days we arrange simultaneous testing around the world. The most recent was called the Big Blue Test which was held on World Diabetes Day. We tested, worked out for 20 minutes and tested again. Interestingly enough, my BS dropped from 96 to 50 in just 20 minutes of exercise. I hate exercising. We typically set up these testing days & times throughout the year so we all can prick & post at the same time. It brings us together. I know I speak for all diabetics when I say I am truly sick of pricks.

My poor hands probably take the most abuse and I never say thank you. Thank you, hands. Even though you are scarred and starting to look old and wrinkly and worn. I appreciate your assistance in sustaining my life because my life is beautiful and you are strong. Now buck up...I have to prick.

*Peace.

D-Blog Day!

2009-11-09T12:59:00.000-08:00

Today is D-blog Day for the Diabetes on-line community. A community that I wish I had more time to commit to but still am thankful beyond words for. When I first was diagnosed with Type 1, I had never felt so alone. My friends didn’t understand, my classmates didn’t understand, my co-workers didn’t understand, my family didn’t understand and many still don’t. As a matter of fact, I used to keep my illness a secret because I felt so ashamed, so alienated and so different. I simply wanted people to see what they saw and never know that I was fighting to stay alive.

Today, I am not ashamed. I may be different but I am the same. I may have an illness, but I am healthy. I have a voice and I use that voice, loud and clear. I strive to help people to understand. I strive to help those recently diagnosed. I want people to see that who I am includes a chronic disease. While that disease doesn't define who I am, it certainly helps explain who I am. Most of all, I am not alone. I am not alienated.

Today, I am surrounded by a plethora of online communities consisting of the most wonderful group of men & women who immediately became my friends.

Today was my day to turn in my 24 hour urine collection and get pricked once again. As I sat in the waiting room, I started thinking about when I was younger and trying to deal with what life had thrown me. I was so lost and confused and scared. I didn’t know who to ask for help and I didn’t know who would be able to help me when I had questions. Questions about my blood sugars, about weighing my food, about bruising from the needles, about peeing too much, about how I felt when I was low..or high. Today, I simply tweet, email or comment my concerns. No matter what they are, that community responds. That community understands. That community cares. That community has brought a peace of mind where there wasn't one previously.

Today, on D-Blog Day, I’d like to say thank you to those who began as strangers and quickly became friends. If for no other reason, I thank Diabetes for providing me with the helping hand, the sigh of relief, the peaceful warrior, that is the Diabetes on-line community.

Today, and every other day, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Saturday is World Diabetes Day. Please wear blue to show your support. What would be even more fabulous is if you wore blue to the JDRF Walk to Cure at UNLV on Saturday!! Look for ‘Insulin: Shaken, Not Stirred’ and help us work toward finding a cure.

Hope to see you there!

On a side note, damn, I’m sick of pricks. So are my arms, fingertips, thighs, stomach, back and ass.

*Peace.

Hello, November.

2009-11-04T12:06:00.001-08:00

November is American Diabetes Month. The ADA is on a mission to ‘Stop Diabetes’. Yay! Their goal is to spread awareness and communicate the seriousness of this disease. The latest statistics are that close to 24 million people currently have Type 1 or Type 2 diabetes. Another 57 million have pre-diabetes and are at risk for Type 2. AND 1 out of every 3 children will have diabetes if we do not act now to stop this disease. You can find this information and tons more on the American Diabetes Association website.

I also have the JDRF Walk to Cure on November 14th at UNLV. This will be a great event for Vegas peeps who have diabetes and those who are affected by diabetes to join together to support a great cause. Every year we have a blast and every year I am overwhelmed by the amount of care, concern and support that I see. It’s amazing and makes my cross a little easier to bear. My team, ‘Insulin: Shaken, Not Stirred’ is close to reaching our goal. We are currently at 94% and have 10 days left. So, if you’d like to donate or join the team, you’d be a superhero in my book.

November 14th is also World Diabetes Day. World Diabetes Day is a campaign that also spreads the message of diabetes. Know your risks. Know the warning signs. Know how to treat. Know how to manage. Know how to control.

Diabetics are mostly responsible for their own care. In fact, diabetics are typically more knowledgeable about the disease than most endocrinologists. Crazy, right? What’s crazier is that diabetics only think they have control. We can eat the same exact thing every single day with the same doses of medication and the body reacts differently every time. There is a semblance of routine but the response is never predictable. That’s one of the greatest challenges a diabetic faces.

So, November is a really big month for Diabetics of all nature; Type 1, Type 1.5, Type 2 and Gestational. It’s our opportunity to raise consciousness and awareness. To get involved and make a difference. To educate ourselves, our friends and our families. To give, if possible, to organizations that fund the research that will hopefully lead us to a cure. Diabetes Education and Prevention is the theme for 2009-2013. Please take the time to educate yourself regarding this chronic disease.

All of this is actually very ironic since November is also the month of overindulgence for American’s. Thanksgiving! For me, this day is a nightmare. I lose all control and stuff myself like the fowl placed in the middle of the table. Turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, cranberry sauce, rolls, pies….it is a never ending smorgasbord of carbohydrates. Egads. My sugar just rose thinking about it. Talk about gobble gobble. What used to be a time for family and friends to give thanks for the harvest and everything life had provided, in general, has changed a bit. We have turned it into Fatty McFatterson’s and the High Blood Sugars grazing, watching football and napping. Of course, we go around the table and say thanks for one special thing, lest we forget the true meaning of the holiday.

Hello, November.

*Peace.

Imperfection is Beauty.

2009-10-27T11:58:00.000-07:00

Diabetes is a disease that puts you through the wringer 24/7. If you are a diabetic, you should be aware of the number of things that you may feel or see or experience. There is a crap load. I’m not kidding. Once you think your cup is full, the waiter comes around and refills your glass. What really sucks is if the glass is full of iced tea and the waiter screws up your tea/Splenda ratio. Grrr…anyway.

It’s not only difficult being a diabetic, its difficult being the family, friends or lovers of one. Extremely difficult because there is no way for you to feel or understand what we are going through. No way. Thank your Gods. I know it’s hard for you, I do. All I can do is say I’m sorry and try to pass on some enlightenment to this disease. As someone with a chronic disease, we only hope for people to understand. Oh, and a cure. We hope for a cure, too.

It all goes back to the Invisible Illness post. Just because we look healthy, doesn’t mean we are.

I wanted to share with you some side effects of being a diabetic. Side effects that, as a 24 year diabetic veteran, I am or have experienced. I’m not talking about complications such as kidney failure, retinopathy or heart disease. I’m talking about the weird and obscure side effects that make a diabetic wonder ‘Is this because of my diabetes?’ ‘Could this be because of my diabetes?’ Or 'Would I feel like this if I didn’t have diabetes?’ Here are a few that I feel quite often. Unfortunately, so do those around me.

Fatigue. High blood sugars obviously can cause a diabetic to become tired. Also, many diabetics have thyroid problems which can also cause fatigue. Lucky me, I have both. My body gets exhausted every day by simply living. I’m pretty much tired of being tired but that’s my lot in life. So, I need to take a nap. I do. I am a much better and more alert person if I catch 30 minutes of sleep in the afternoon.

Anger. I am the queen of getting angry. I get angry because it’s easier for me to handle than getting sad. I get angry because I’m threatened and scared. I get mad that I am sick, that I do everything right and my sugars still run high or low, that I have all of these antibodies attacking my core and I can’t win this fight. I get angry for a lot of reasons. It’s normal. However, letting your emotions get out of control could put you at risk for more health issues.

Depression. Depression occurs in many diabetics. As a matter of fact, diabetics are twice as likely to suffer from depression as people who are not diabetics. Note…depression could also be a reason for fatigue. Feeling down once in a while is normal. Diabetics have a lot to deal with on a daily basis. These things can build and the stress becomes too much. You feel alone, you feel overwhelmed and, most of all, you feel hopeless. If you feel everything has become too much, please see your doctor. The world is a much better place with a happy you in it.

Forgetfulness. Poor control of your diabetes can lead to forgetfulness. Say hello to Ketoacidosis. I was poorly controlled for many years as a teen/young adult. During that whole self destruction phase, diabetes was something I wasn’t concerned with. Bad Kelly. The problem is that when you have an elevated sugar level in your blood stream, the blood flow to your hippocampus decreases. The hippocampus is not only fun to say, it is also responsible for your memory. So, don’t take it personal when I tell you I don’t remember. It’s certainly not that I didn’t care or didn’t find the experience as fulfilling as you, it just means I have a naughty hippocampus.

Weight Gain. Dr. B tells me ‘A chubby diabetic is a healthy diabetic.’ Oh. My. Gawd. Really? Really. Insulin makes you gain weight. Hurrah. The thing that keeps me alive on a daily basis also keeps my ass size on the rise. Keep in mind that this only applies to those with Type 1. Access overweight can be the cause of Type 2 and is quite the opposite. I’m talking gaining a reasonable amount of weight. Although, I struggle with 20 pounds being 'reasonable'. So, please do not tell me to go on a diet. I've been on one for 24 years. Please don't ask me to work out more. I work out as much as my disease allows me to. Love me, love my chubb. Note: Remember that manipulating your insulin to lose weight is a bad idea…one that I have had quite often. Luckily, I love my life too much to risk 10-20 pounds.

People don’t realize how much it takes for me, or any other diabetic, to simply survive. But we are surviving and we are doing the best we possibly can. Not only do we have a chronic disease, we are also human. We are all imperfect in some way, shape or form. I don’t know about you, but I find the imperfections of a person the most interesting.

“My imperfections and failures are as much a blessing from God as my successes and my talents and I lay them both at his feet.” ~Mahatma Gandhi

*Peace.

Walk This Way

2009-10-21T09:51:00.000-07:00

The JDRF Walk to Cure is one month away! My team, ‘Insulin: Shaken, Not Stirred’, has already collected $4,350. We are only $650 away from hitting our goal. Let’s do this!!

I also only have 11 team members! While those 11 people are fabulous, I am SURE I know more who would love to spend a Saturday morning walking in the fresh Vegas air and helping to support a special cause.

The walk takes place on November 14th at 9:00am at the UNLV North Field. Like last year, I will be by the front registration waiting for the team.

To donate or join, please click here: Walk to Cure

Or you can click here: Walk to Cure and search for ‘Kelly Wright, NV.

We also have NEW team shirts! This time with the JDRF logo!! Thanks, Laura! To get your fabu shirt, please click here: Team Shirts

My heartfelt thanks goes out to all the people who help support the JDRF and their research to find a cure for diabetes. Your continued support not only means the world to me, it means the world to my family, future generations of my family and millions of others world wide. You are definitely racking up the good karma points and I appreciate it.

I am on a mission for a medical id bracelet. I used to have a big, chunky, gold one that I hated and never wore. Hey, it was the 80’s, back off! I typically carry a ‘I’m a diabetic’ card in my wallet and I had a key chain stating the same. Well, the key chain broke and disappeared into the world’s vast black hole of lost items. So, now I’m thinking I will try a bracelet again. Another option is a tattoo. I have to wear that and it will never break or get lost. Anyway, I threw a few options out to my Facebook friends and asked them to pick their favorite bracelet.

Right now there is a tie between these two:

Which do you prefer?

If you are interested in fashion and looking cute, I suggest Laurens Hope . I can’t vouch for the quality yet but I can vouch for the fun styles. If you are interested in being my Facebook friend, click here: Be My Friend

Anyway, I don’t have much news on the diabetic front. My body is beat up and needs a break, that’s about it. I have more puncture wounds on my body than I care to have. Maybe I need to go tanning. Maybe with a tan, they won’t be so noticeable. Maybe I’ll look thinner, too. Yea..tanning might be a good thing.

Hope everyone is happy and healthy! Enjoy your week and weekend.

*Peace.

Vacationing with Diabetes.

2009-10-14T15:52:00.000-07:00

I wish I could take a vacation FROM diabetes but no such luck. Not yet anyway.

Vacationing with diabetes is typically a pain. Diabetics are structured. Their care is controlled. The responsibilities are constant. Routine is their life. Vacations throw everything off balance…and the diabetic struggles.

I went to New York for 10 days. 10 days of family love. 10 days of friend love. 10 days of soul hugs. 10 days of being able to breathe. 10 days of real people, fall foliage, country comfort and full on happiness.

But, also, 10 days of high blood sugars, occlusions, poor and unscheduled eating, not enough sleep, too much running around, not counting carbs, getting off track, blah de blah de blah.

Unfortunately, my Romney Pawed wasn’t scheduled for my travel plans. Omni users know that there’s a 3 day rule. There is no choice. On that third day, Omni quits. Kaput. I mean, you can take the pod off early…but that is a waste of pod & insulin. Lucky me, Romney quit on a tiny plane going from Newark to Albany. I had no room to move, seriously, none. It was like I was sitting in an old biplane. My bag was shoved on the floor, my feet on top of it, my sweater and purse on my lap. All I needed were goggles and a scarf.

I heard Romney’s shrill beep and knew it was time. I ripped the pod off, threw it in my purse and debated leaving it off until I reached my Aunt’s house. I began mentally configuring the time….landing, luggage, rental, hour drive, dropping off my mom, getting to my Aunt’s. I decided I couldn’t last that long without insulin and started to insert. The only spot I could reach was my upper arm. Romney hurt like a mofo from the moment it was inserted. I left it in until I got to my Aunt’s where I just had to take it off. Don’t judge but I removed the insulin from the used pod and put it in the new. I’m not made of money, ya know.

Since I only packed 2 extra pods, I was down by one.

That extra one was used after my pod petered out on the way to Cohen’s Bakery in Ellenville, NY. Occlusion!! It screamed and immediately stopped delivering. I have a nice bruise where that pod was. Yay! My poor body is so beat up. Anyway. I was left with zero extra pods. Great. I told the Universe that I didn’t want anymore problems for the remainder of the trip. Thankfully, she listened and obliged. Oh, and btw, if you are headed to Cohen’s, don’t miss out on the Raisin Pumpernickel Bread. It’s famous and super yummy. Send me a loaf, too, please. Thanks.

Speaking of the best Raisin Pumpernickel in the world, I also had constant high sugars. Hey!! I was on vacation! In NY! With family!! How could I NOT eat pasta, pizza, Chinese food, hard rolls, donuts, subs, ice cream cakes! NY!!! I was in carb heaven…..mmmmm.

Now I am back in Vegas, back in the desert, back to my prison, back to chicken, fish & veggies. Back into my little rut of living and eating. Blah. I can’t breathe here. I know that sounds weird but I can’t. Dorothy knew what she was talking about. There’s no place like home.

So, I don’t care that I fell off track. 10 days of being off track versus 24 years of being on track is worth it to me. My heart is full, my soul is happy, my smile is bright….and myshugana can suck it.

*Peace.

Things I Like.

2009-09-23T08:23:00.001-07:00

I focus so much on the negatives of having Type 1 Diabetes that I tend to forget about the positives. I guess that’s because it is a disease and it is easier to sing the blues. However, only spouting the bad stuff tends to elicit a reaction no one with a chronic disease wants. Pity.

::boo! hiss!::

Here is my attempt to prevent anyone from feeling sorry for me.....or anyone else with a disease, for that matter. AND to remind myself to continue to look on the bright side of life.

Things I Like About Type 1 Diabetes
By Kelly Wright (teehee)

* I like when my sugar gets low, although not drastically, because then I get to eat junk food for ‘free’.
* I love Reli-On Glucose Tablets. My favorites are the white ones found in the Tropical Fruit container. Super yummy.
* I like when if something buzzes while I’m at work, Elisa asks if myshugana is ok.
* I like when I rip my pump off my skin. It’s an itchy and free relief.
* I like when my clothing leaves little black rings around the pump adhesive. It’s like a game for me to see if I can avoid that. If I can’t, I like picking it off.
* I like that I have eaten relatively healthy since high school.
* I like that one of my BFF’s is a Type 1. Collectively we are the T1T’s. (Type 1 Twins)
* I like that strangers who share this disease automatically connect with each other on a super special level.
* I like that there is an entire community who feel exactly as I feel, know what I am talking about, understand and accept. It makes me feel less strange.
* I like when people know I am a diabetic and try to understand.
* I also like when those same people don’t constantly harp on me.
* I like the fact that you can get sugar free items and they are delish! Not the cardboard tasting crap that they used to be like.
* I like that NY puts the nutritional information on their menus. I wish everyone did.
* I like knowing the exact carbs of something I am going to eat.
* I like that having diabetes has made me a stronger, compassionate, caring and more aware person.
* I like that diabetes showed me that even though my body is broken, my spirit is not.
* I like the fact that my diabetes jaunt has led me to the greatest doctor on the planet. Doc B.
* I like that I have lived almost 24 years with an uncontrollable disease and I am ok.
* I like that I know myself & know how to listen to my body. Not many people do.
* I like having a chronic disease because I think it makes me appreciate life more than most healthy people. I sometimes wonder if I would still be a good person & love life the way I do if I were healthy…..

* And lastly, I like that having diabetes is not the worst thing that could happen to me.

I am going on vacation for a week and a half.

:::yay hooray!!!:::

I won’t be blogging during that time but will be back at it mid October. Hopefully with some fantastic d-news. Celebrate your life…and your health…while I’m gone!

*Peace.

Invisible Illness: Cystic Fibrosis

2009-09-17T15:12:00.000-07:00

I know I am a PWD blogger. It's what I do, it's what I live with, it's what I have. However, today I am blogging about Cystic Fibrosis. Another chronic disease. Another invisible disease. Another disease that breaks my heart. Another disease that a person I love has to live with.

Cystic Fibrosis affects the lungs and digestive system in about 30,000 children & adults in the US. In the world, there are about 70,000. The deal with CF is that a defective gene causes the body to produce an unusually thick and sticky mucus that clogs the lungs. This leads to life threatening lung infections. It also obstructs the pancreas, (effing pancreASS!) which stops the natural enzymes from breaking down & absorbing food. Most people do not know they carry the gene for CF until they have a child who does.

Every day with this disease involves hours of therapy to loosen the mucus that clogs the lungs, approximately 40 pills a day to simply live, having to be home schooled because care is too time consuming and the effort is too extreme, not being able to run, play and act like a child, having to explain to friends or having to hide it from friends, literally struggling for life.

The life span of a person with Cystic Fibrosis typically does not take them past their 20's.

Can you imagine, for one moment, knowing your entire life that you have an expiration date?

Can you fathom, for one moment, the strength it takes to endure living day to day with that knowledge?

Can you conceptualize, for one moment, being the parent or loved one of a person with this disease?

There is no cure. There is no 'being normal'. There is no day off. There is no break. There is only hope.

Usually, like me, people with a chronic disease do not want your sympathy, nor do we want your pity. We put on a brave, strong face for you more than for ourselves. We remain positive and hopeful because what else is there to do? This is not to say we don't get down or sad or frustrated. This is simply to say that our lives depend on happiness, hope and laughter. We enjoy every day to the fullest because we treasure it and know it's fleeting. It's ironic that some people who are healthy abuse their bodies, complain about the littlest things and live unhappy lives. They have the greatest gift in the world! They have what people like me covet! They are healthy.

I don't know, I am ranting because I am upset. When I am upset, I write. So, bear with me. It's funny because I am sick, too, but Diabetes is nothing like Cystic Fibrosis. I want to scream at the unfairness of it all. Literally scream!!! For her more than for me. Disease sucks.

Sorry, I am not hear to lecture or throw a tantrum, I am merely on a mission to educate and bring awareness to the masses.

There are many people with CF who graduate high school, get married, have disease free children and live full lives. This is my hope for this young woman that I adore. This young woman who is beyond beautiful, brave, strong, funny, intelligent and everything wonderful. She is the exact kind of person you WANT in this world for as long as possible. She is the exact person I WANT in the world forever.

I am going to love on every inch of this beautiful soul when I see her in 13 days and I cannot wait.

To find out more, become an advocate or make a donation, please click here: Cystic Fibrosis

*Peace.

Here is my meme: I've come to realize.....

2009-09-16T15:26:00.000-07:00

Stolen from Manny, who stole it from Kerri who stole it from George, who stole it from LeAnn ...and so on. Ding! Dang! We are a bunch of thieves! haha!

1. I’ve come to realize that my chest-size … has doubled in size since I became a fatty. Go insulin!!

2. I’ve come to realize that my job … is an opinion better left to the corners of my mind but I am grateful to have.

3. I’ve come to realize that when I’m driving … I am usually aggressive, cursing and singing at the top of my lungs...badly.

4. I’ve come to realize that I need … to be as nice to myself as I am to my friends.

5. I’ve come to realize that I have lost … my mind and am not offering a reward.

6. I’ve come to realize that I hate it when … bad people advance and good people don't.

7. I’ve come to realize that if I’m drunk … I'm funnier. I should be drunk more often.

8. I’ve come to realize that money … doesn't make you a smarter, better or wealthier person. Know this.

9. I’ve come to realize that certain people … will never like me no matter how hard I try and that they really shouldn't matter to me.

10. I’ve come to realize that I’ll always … have a good heart and friends who appreciate that.

11. I’ve come to realize that my siblings … are each different and beautiful in their own special and loving ways.

12. I’ve come to realize that my mom … will always be there for me and love me, even when I'm yelling at her.

13. I’ve come to realize that my cell phone … is aggravating the crap out of me and is going back to Sprint on Friday.

14. I’ve come to realize that when I woke up this morning … I had low bs. Then said 'What the eff? I went to bed with low bs, had Dex banshee screaming at me during the night that I was high thanks to over correcting, set Romni Pawed to correct and woke up low! Eff you, diabetes!! You little bitch!'

15. I’ve come to realize that last night before I went to sleep … I was low. Duh. Pay attention! haha!

16. I’ve come to realize that right now I am thinking … that I am a retard.

17. I’ve come to realize that my dad … is who is he is and I wouldn't change it for the world because, oddly enough, I am exactly like him.

18. I’ve come to realize that when I get on Facebook … I am secretly thrilled for the attention.

19. I’ve come to realize that today … is a day I will never get back. I should have had more fun.

20. I’ve come to realize that tonight … will be another night with my daughter. I will make it fun.

21. I’ve come to realize that tomorrow … is my Friday and I couldn't be happier.

22. I’ve come to realize that I really want to … leave this desert but may not be brave enough.

23. I’ve come to realize that the person who is most likely to repost this is … everyone on my Twitter friends list.

24. I’ve come to realize that life … is beautiful and a one time ride so make it worth it, riders.

25. I’ve come to realize that this weekend … is full of fun friend things to do. Trying on my bridesmaid dress and my birthday brunch.

26. I’ve come to realize that marriage … may not be something I am destined for.

27. I’ve come to realize that my friends … make my heart happy.

28. I’ve come to realize that this year … is almost over. Holy crap!! Christmas is just around the corner!!

29. I’ve come to realize that my ex is … is my ex for a reason & I remember that.

30. I’ve come to realize that maybe I should … exercise but I am too lazy and I'm starting to be friends with my fat.

31. I’ve come to realize that I love … easily and freely for the right people.

32. I’ve come to realize that I don’t understand … math and I never will. What should I tip again?

33. I’ve come to realize my past … is precious because it has given me happy memories and necessary lessons.

34. I’ve come to realize that parties … in my pants are the most fun. Hahaha! Ok. Stop it.

35. I’ve come to realize that I’m totally terrified … of diabetic comas, dying before my time, spiders and homeless people.

What is wrong with me? haha! Seriously.

Invisible Illness: Type 1 Diabetes

2009-09-16T11:26:00.000-07:00

To you, I look normal.
To me, I look like I am fighting for my life on a daily basis.

To you, I look happy.
To me, I look like I am trying to forget I am sick.

To you, I look full of energy.
To me, I look like I am hiding my exhaustion.

To you, I look confident.
To me, I look like I have no worth or value.

To you, I look pleased.
To me, I look like I am in constant pain.

To you, I look successful.
To me, I look like I am struggling.

To you, I look strong.
To me, I look lonely, weak, frustrated and on the verge of breaking down.

To you, I look like I am free.
To me, I look like I am forever imprisoned by a disease I didn’t deserve.

To you, I look in control.
To me, I am a vessel for chaos.

To you, I look just like everyone else.
To me, I look like someone who wishes she were.

To you, I look healthy.
To me, I look like I have a chronic disease

National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week is September 14 – 20, 2009.

Nearly 1 in 2 Americans have a chronic disease. More than half of those chronic diseases cannot be seen. More than half of those appear healthy, look good and seem ‘normal’. Diabetes is one of those diseases.

When I walk down the street, no one would ever guess that I am sick. I have friends and family members who forget because I look just like them. Just like them….but I am not. I am not just like you and no matter how hard I wish, hope and pray that I were, I’m just not. One of my greatest fears is that I will never be.

The person you see before you is here only because of persistence, daily maintenance, great effort and great sacrifice. The person you see before you is angry at her body, is frustrated with insurances, is jealous of you, and is fearful over the future. The person you see also deserves a cure because she did not ask for this invisible illness. She did nothing wrong and yet has to do everything right in order to live through this day.

What you may see isn’t necessarily what is real. Today, what you see before you is a Type 1 Diabetic. A Type 1 Diabetic who feels this chronic disease every moment of every day. A Type 1 Diabetic who deserves a cure. Please help me fight for it so I maybe I can be just like you.

Invisible Illness

JDRF

American Diabetes Association

*Peace.

JDRF Walk to Cure

2009-09-09T10:33:00.000-07:00

Today I'm writing to tell you that I'll be walking in the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation's Walk to Cure Diabetes this year, and to ask you to join me. Once again, ‘Insulin: Shaken, Not Stirred’ will be helping JDRF reach their goal.

Taking part in the Walk is great experience. Not only will you be making a real difference in helping to find a cure that will change the lives of millions... you'll be having FUN, and getting a good workout too!

First, let me tell you a little about why this cause is so important.

Every year, more than 30,000 new cases of type 1 diabetes--the most severe form of the disease--are diagnosed in the United States alone, a large and growing percentage of them children. Day-to-day living is a challenge for people with type 1 diabetes, and multiple insulin injections are only the beginning. But what's even harder is facing the reality of the devastating complications that can stem from their condition.

As you can imagine, it's easy for people with type 1 diabetes to feel that their future is uncertain. But thanks to research funded by organizations such as JDRF, people with diabetes have a new sense of hope. Scientists have made enormous progress, and a cure for type 1 diabetes is now within reach.

That is why this is such a crucial time, and why I'm asking you to join me in walking, and raising money that will speed these scientists toward that cure. Every walker, and every dollar, brings us that much closer.

My team & I will be walking at UNLV - North Field - 2009, Las Vegas, NV on November 14, 2009.

You can donate or join the team at: Insulin: Shaken, Not Stirred

Team shirts are available for purchase at: Team Shirts

Together, we can make the cure a reality.

Thank you.

Invasion of the Body Snatchers

2009-09-02T20:19:00.000-07:00

Welp. Here is the vlog I have been promising for a few weeks. Sorry it has taken me so long. I just have been super busy lately. I'm like a crazy person! Plus, the batteries in the camera died. I did not have any in the house..wink wink... and I kept forgetting to buy new ones. So, with new batteries in hand, tonight is the night.

Unfortunately, I am tired, cranky and look like a hawt mess. Plus, my videographer has no idea how the camera works. haha! Neither do I so I apologize for the bad quality, lack of editing, sudden stops and the black line across the screen. I hope you get the general idea in spite of it all. :)

I wanted to show the process for inserting my pod. I get a lot of curious looks and quiet questions about it so I thought it would make for a good vlog subject.

Two blondes were given a video camera........

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Hahaha! Why do I have a lisp?! Do I have that in real life? Anyone? Bueller?

*Peace.

Romney Pawed

2009-08-21T13:44:00.001-07:00

I started the Omnipod on Tuesday. They had a great deal for Cozmo users who ultimately made a bad pump choice. If you weren’t aware, Cozmore stopped manufacturing and selling their insulin pump. This sucked because most insurances will not cover a replacement insulin pump until the current warranty expires. I have 2 years left on my warranty so I was out of luck.

I came across the Omnipod while doing some research on my soon to be obsolete Cozmo. They had a demo pod that you could try for free. I ordered one and away I went. Once I got the free pod, I didn’t wear it because I have enough crap on my body, but I gave it a good once over. ‘Tubeless.’ I thought while shoving my tubing back into my pants ‘Nice. I should have picked this one.’ I was sold.

Cozmo & all his tubing.

A few days later I received a call from Jason, a rep from Omnipod. Jason told me about a special offer Omnipod had for all Cozmo users. For the low, low price of $50, I could have the old Omnipod PDM. For the higher price of $200, I could have the new Omnipod PDM. Only difference? Color. Big deal. Gimme black & white. I’ll live.

Tuesday I went to my educator and she hooked me up. It’s funny because I have only been on the insulin pump for a year but it’s amazing how it has become a part of my life. I went *untethered Monday night. It was super scary. I ranged between feeling free and feeling like a part of me was missing. Oddly enough, I couldn’t remember how much insulin I used to take. What I had done to myself for 23 years magically disappeared from my brain cells. Weird. Werd. So, I erred on the low dosage side and went to sleep.

It was a freedom I had forgotten. I rolled over without rearranging tubing & Cozmo. I stretched without Cozmo slapping me on the stomach. I moved without laying on Cozmo. I slept without waking numerous times throughout the night due to Cozmo. I didn’t have to worry about unhooking to take a shower. I didn’t have to worry about where to hide it while I was dressing. I didn’t have to worry about it at all. It was heaven.

What makes me laugh is that it's 3 days later and I am still looking for my tubing when I go to the bathroom. With Cozmo, I would hook him on my belt loop or stick him in my pocket and shove the tubing down my pants. So, when I went to the bathroom I had to pull out the tubing and take care of Cozmo as I pulled down my pants. Otherwise, I would break Cozmo as he crashed to the floor or rip out my insertion site and that would cause a whole new set of problems. I can pee freely now, the tubing’s gone!

Yesterday I wore a dress without having a sweaty plastic box in my bra. Ahem. Life is good.

I changed Romney today and it was as easy as it was on Tuesday. I do have Cozmo in storage, just in case of emergencies. This is a good feeling for me. Safety. *sigh* I also have a phone call in for Doc B so he can tell me what my old insulin doses were, just in case I want to go *untethered again.

So, I am all cyborged up and off to Disneyland again with my two best modules. Romney & Dexter.

Dex, Romney & appropriate Disney attire.

Also along for the ride will be Amanda, Bill & George. :) That is the joy of being an annual pass holder with friends. We only have to pay for half a hotel room & food. Zip a dee doo da, zip a dee ay.

Stay tuned next week for another vlog!

Have a great weekend, everyone.

*Peace.

*Untethered was verbiage introduced to me by Kerri from Six Until Me . She’s awesomely knowledgeable and humorous. I heart her.

Eff You, Diabetes.

2009-08-03T12:56:00.000-07:00

I went for my yearly eye exam Friday and I can still see. Whew! I mean, I couldn't see when I left their office thanks to having my eyes dilating. Fun...let a blind blonde go driving around Vegas. Yay! One of the most fantastic things to hear is ‘I do not see any signs of diabetes. Whatever you are doing is the right thing.’ Thanks, Dr. Carr, thanks.

Take THAT, diabetes!!

Yes, I am hating diabetes right now, in a big way. I mean, I’m not a fan of it normally; but sometimes it gets to me more than others. Here are a few ‘Eff you, Diabetes’ moments I'd like to share.

Eff You Diabetes....

For making me constantly pierce my skin with metal.
For making me count when I hate math.

For making my purse heavier than it need be.
For taking away my freedom.
For denying me the right to win this battle.
For making me violate my body just to stay alive.
For the pain and discomfort I always feel.
For letting everyone get half way through their meal before I even start mine.
For the jealousy I feel towards non-diabetics.
For making me want to cry.
For not allowing me to be normal.
For not letting me jump into the pool, have spur of the moment sex or wear what I want.
For requiring my attention every minute of every day for the rest of my life.
For making me responsible for passing on this gene.
For the weight gain when my diet hasn’t changed for 23 years.
For making me deal with insurance bullshit daily.
For making it so difficult for people to understand.
For causing me to be afraid of growing old.
For the exhaustion of living my life.
For fueling my anger.
For making me control something I have no control over.
For ravaging my body.

I typically am not a negative person. In fact, I am an eternal optimist. I have no doubt that this disease will not dominate me, define me, destroy me nor deflate me. It won’t. I am happy because I intend to live every day to the fullest in spite of diabetes. This disease may take my body but it will not take my heart & soul.

However, I’m also a realist and on those days, it’s a struggle to remain hopeful. So, if I don’t act, say or do the things that you think I should, why not give me a break? I happen to be struggling with things much bigger than you can imagine. It's just one of those days.

*Peace.

Naturally Sweet

Destiny & Diabetes

Riding Bareback.

SAD

Dr. Doesn't Feelgood.

Daily 'D' Disclosures #11-17

Daily 'D' Disclosures #4-10

Daily 'D' Disclosure #3

Daily 'D' Disclosure - #2

November = Diabetes Awareness

Eat My Words.

Sweet Pickup Lines

2011 JDRF Walk To Cure Diabetes

Cult of Personality Changes.

Raw Emotion Rant

Love Bug.

Faux Vibrations!

Pump It Up!

Life Juice

Diabetes Treaty-sss.

Dear One Touch

Sweet in Seattle.

3 Bottles & You're Out!

Patient 69.

Breaking Point.

JDRF Walk to Cure Diabetes

Carb Content

Celebrate Our Differences.

Law of Averages

Simply Be.

Photo Blog.

Round is a Shape.

Carb-oh-licious!

You Are The Champions, My Friends.

How Low Can You Go?

Atypical Day.

Hate Math. Love Chocolate.

Sweet in Seattle.

DAD's.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Rude Email.

Entertaining Diabetes

Diabetes Fun Stuff

What Type Are You?

The Price of Diabetes

I Am Nothing Without Benefits.

*Clink*

Dia-pressing.

Diabulimia

Diabetes & Stress.

Bad Luck Schleprock

Diabetes 365

Hello, 2010

Bye, Brittany.

Don't Drink Yourself Fat!

Ink'd

On the Verge of Vomit.

Trials and Tribulations

It's Just a Number

Test Strip Sightings

D-Blog Day!

Hello, November.

Imperfection is Beauty.

Walk This Way

Vacationing with Diabetes.

Things I Like.

Invisible Illness: Cystic Fibrosis

Here is my meme: I've come to realize.....

Invisible Illness: Type 1 Diabetes

JDRF Walk to Cure

Invasion of the Body Snatchers

Romney Pawed

Eff You, Diabetes.

Clink